Momma Sandy Says - Ethics, Morals, and Spirituality, Part 2

Momma Sandy Says

Ethics, Morals, and Spirituality, Part 2

   The sad thing is that I took the time to create a good outline for this and now I can't find it.  Let's see how this goes.

     Last week I talked about the fact that the best person to install positive character in your child is you.  Not the day care people, not school teachers, not even Sunday School teachers.  You are the person (if married, people) who has the most influence on who your child is and who he or she will become.

   There is one form of ethics that I abhor - situational ethics.  One definition that I like is, "Situation ethics teaches that ethical decisions should follow flexible guidelines rather than absolute rules, and be taken on a case by case basis."  This is a very slippery slope.

   I get that using moral absolutes can be too rigid.  "Thou shalt not kill" is a great rule, however, there are situations where stopping an attacker (of yourself or your family) seems more important.  The U.S. court systems recognizes that as a possible excuse for murder.  The courts do not set aside the moral law, but they recognize the need for exceptions.

   But situational ethics goes beyond that.  It encourages selfishness.  If someone is standing in the way of something you want, then in this particular case, it is ok to do something to them that would otherwise be considered wrong.  Personally I think most international corporations are the embodiment of situational ethics.

   Do you want your child to be selfish and change the rules in their own interest?  It may be what big business does, but is it what you want your child to do, to be?  I didn't think so.

   So how do we teach ethics and morals?  Our legal system gives us a clue.  Yes there are absolutes, but there are also specific circumstances where the infraction of these absolutes is either forgiven, or there is a lesser penalty.  In my opinion, teaching the absolutes, but also teach the balance.  Here are a few examples:  Teach honesty, but also teach when it is permissible and helpful to shade the truth in favor of anther's feelings.  Note, the white lie to to help another, not to further one's own interests.    Teach that it's wrong to be a bully.  But also teach that standing up for yourself is important too.  The key here is the intent.

Teach loyalty.  But balance that with the understanding that following blindly is a foolish idea.  Support what you believe in, and be willing to make things better, but also understand that others may not put the needs of others over their own.  And they have to be prepared to make changes, as needed.

And most important, teach that prejudice is wrong.  During my growing up years, I watched major changes in how people groups were viewed.  It is no longer acceptable (largely) to view others as lessor merely due to ethnicity, color, or gender.  I love that my children grew up largely "colorblind and gender blind."  The battles that I had to fight (and the women before me) do not make sense to my children.  That's a very good thing.  We're not perfect, but we need to continue to raise our children to not prejudge others due to appearance, etc.

To teach ethics and morals to our children we have to actively teach them to our children.  We have to talk to them about the balances,  to make sure they understand.  And we have to live those ethics and morals ourselves.   Not easy, but worth it.

Next week I plan to tackle the trickier topic of teaching spirituality, or lack thereof to your children.