Mom's Family

Aunt Alice Stories

   Last week I wrote about my Aunt Alice-what her life was like.  Today I'd like to just tell some Aunt Alice stories.

  I don't remember many stories about Alice as a young girl.  She was 11 years older than my mom, so they didn't really get to know each other until they were both adults.  That's where the stories start.

  Alice and Murry were an interesting couple.  He was, frankly, self righteous in so many ways.  He knew how his life and his family were supposed to be.  An example:  My mom worked in downtown Los Angeles.  On nights when Murry had a meeting to attend (usually something church related-or Knights of Columbus), Mom and Alice would plan.  Sometimes the plan was for mom to pick up "movie" magazines and Alice would pick up a couple of bottles of beer.  Or chocolates.  Or ice cream.  All of these were not allowed in Murray's world.  The two would have a relaxing evening (while still doing chores), and all evidence would be gone before Murray got home.

   As soon as Alice had her final child (Elaine, #6), she went forward with her plan to get back to teaching.  Because her teaching credential was from New York, she wasn't able teach in local public schools.  I think she took some classes.  She was able to get a job teaching at a local Catholic elementary school.  Where they lived was right on the border between Catholic parishes, so the family attended church where Alice taught.  They stayed at that church until the kids were high school age.

   My mom and Alice stayed close, even after mom married.  She and my dad baby sat for Alice and Murry until their oldest could do the job.  The two couples tried to be social together, but Murry was the problem.  My dad and Murry would go shopping for a meal together.  My dad would pick up 4 bottles of beer for the evening.  Murry would put two back commenting, "Let's not be pigs."  Sometimes I'm amazed Aunt Murry didn't injure him.

  But Uncle Murry did have his good points.  He loved his children.  And he did have a sense of humor.  The entire time mom lived with them Murry tried to teach her the proper way to wash and dry dishes.  Almost every night.  Years later, after a family get together at his house, Murray was helping mom wash dishes  He commented, "So did you ever learn the proper way to wash dishes?"  It was his attempt at a joke and my mom took it as such.

   I remember that my Aunt Alice like good wine.  Since my mom worked for Trader Joe's, she would bring over bottles, when she could, for Alice (and Murry if Alice couldn't hide it) to sample.  If Murry was out, the two woman would share.  Over the years Alice had a few favorite wines.  Mom would spend the extra money for them.  After Alice got sick with her final ailment,  mom would go over to Alice's more often, usually with a bottle of Alice's favorite wine.  The two would spend time, enjoying the bottle and remembering.

   Towards the end Alice couldn't drink alcohol because of her pain medication, so my mom ended up with a couple of bottles of Alice's favorite wine.  On the anniversary of Alice's death my mom and I drank one in her honor.  I think mom gave the other to Alice's kids.

   Alice had a giving heart.  She made this a part of her religious service.  Alice and Murry were always helping others.  I remember taking clothes and food to immigrant families.  If there was a need, you could usually find them involved.  One story relates to that.

  Like many women of their generation, they tended to make part of their clothes.  My mom always said that Alice was a much better seamstress.  Mom could make the simple stuff, but Alice usually had to help mom with anything complicated.

   One time my mom made a lovely and striking dress that was intended for going out on a date.  Mom had worn it once, but was saving it.  One night she came home from work, intending on wearing the dress for a date (possibly with my dad).  It was gone!  Alice had gotten a call that some charity needed clothes and so Alice raided closets for clothes to give away.  My mom was furious!  Alice's response was, "You only wore it once and they needed clothes."  My mom made it very clear that mom's belongings were off limits from then on!  I think my mom was remembering all the times that their mom, Ruth, had gone through their belongings looking for money and stuff.

  My Aunt Alice amazed me.  Her husband was such a pain.  Murry didn't mean to be.  He just knew he was right.  I enjoyed watching Alice maneuver Murry.  He would enter the kitchen (Alice's domain until after a meal) all upset about something.  She'd let him rant on about it for a few minutes.  But before he could decide his plan of action, she would say something to take his mind in a more productive direction.  Sometimes she would redirect to him to another topic altogether.  Often, later on he'd come in informing her that they needed to come up with a solution.  Alice would tell him that she had already taken care of it for him-based on his ideas, of course.  She kept him convinced that he was in charge of virtually everything that went on in their house.

   And that was my Aunt Alice.  Always keeping things moving, always helping.  She had a big heart.  Of course, if you weren't behaving properly, she had no problem telling you so.  She was, after all, a teacher.  But mostly you remembered her love.

Mom's Family - Aunt Alice

Mom's Family

Aunt Alice

   My personal life is rather hectic right now, so I'm taking a break from some of the blogging.  In order to focus on the more positive, I'm going to take another look at my mom's family.  This time I want to examine all of my mom's siblings in a more cohesive manner.  Starting with my Aunt Alice.

   Alice Connor was born in June of 1915.  A year and 3 days after her parents marriage.  She was born in the family home in Staten Island.  Babies weren't born in hospitals back then.  In fact, 5 of Vincent and Ruth's 7 children were born there.  It was an older home in a good neighborhood.  The family considered itself (upper) middle class, even though most of the men worked in what we would consider blue collar occupations.  The family had servants and raised all of the children living there with their middle class standards.

   Before Alice started school a series of disasters began to befall the family.  Between 1919 and 1920, almost all of Vincent and Ruth's parents and grandparents died.  Ruth's father died the next year.  With John Turnpenny's death things began to change.  Within 6 years (after probate and the splitting of the proceeds) the family had sold the family house and most of Ruth's siblings had moved to upstate New York.  Ruth, Vincent, and their 5 children bought a small dairy farm and joined them.  Alice would have been 7 years old.

   The 6th child, Louise, was born within months of the move to the farm.  Ruth was in the late part of the pregnancy during most of that.  The youngest, living child(Joan) was born 2 years later.  Looking at the records,  All of the children had the normal diseases.  As the oldest girl, Alice must have been very busy helping.

   Approximately 1936 both Alice and Ralph graduated from high school-Ralph 2 years early.  Despite the lack of money, it was expected that the children would go to college if they could.  Since Ralph was already a professional musician, it was decided that the limited family college funds would go to Alice.   And so started what was probably the first real freedom that Alice had ever known.

   Alice attended college (to become a school teacher) just far enough away from home that she would have to live on campus.  So she found a job with a family who let her stay there as long as she helped out-a sort of live in maid.  Before that she got a job at Tupper Lake-an upstate New York summer resort.  She enjoyed her time at the Lake.  In fact, that was her summer job throughout her college years.  She did come home, but only for short visits.

  In June of 1937, after only 10 years of unsuccessfully trying to run a dairy farm, Ruth and Vincent sold what was left and moved back to Staten Island.  Not to the nicer neighborhood Alice had spent her early childhood in.  Instead they moved to Manis Harbor, down by the docks.  If was a rough, blue collar neighborhood.  But there were a lot of families, equally down on their luck.  Alice visited, but it wasn't where or how she wanted to live.

   There are a lot of facts that I don't have.  I know that brother Ralph (who Alice stayed close to most of their lives) married Betty in 1939.  I don't know if Alice was able to finish college, though I think she did.  I do know that some time after 1941 (probably around 1943), when the War started, Alice moved out to California with Ralph and Betty.  Both Ralph and Betty were tired of Ralph always being on the road with his music.  And Ralph was finally ready to go to school to become a doctor.

   Alice was ready for the big move because of a personal tragedy.  While at college she had become engaged.  The young man joined the air force and became a pilot.  Whatever plans they had died when her young man died became a casualty of a Natzi sinking of his ship (transporting him to Europe).

   Why California?  I think partly because it was on the other side of the country.  And because of the better winters.  Brother Everett had come through CA, via San Francisco on his way to the fighting in the Pacific.  Everett had declared that after the War, he was moving to California.  I suspect the whole family became infected with "California fever", because almost all of the family eventually moved there.

   While Ralph and Betty were getting settled in, Alice found work at a plant that was involved in the War effort.  It was Southern California, in the Los Angeles area, so maybe an aircraft plant.  In any event, she met a young man there.  He was an efficiency expert (the source of many a family joke after), single, Roman Catholic (like her), and blessedly 4F.  This was a man she wouldn't lose to the War.  They married and their first child was born in 1944.

   Alice's life was very busy after that.  They ended up with 6 children total.  The last 2 were against the advice of her doctor.  Brother Del came out to CA in July of 1945.  Ruth, Vincent, Louise, and Joan came out to CA after the War ended, in August of 1946.  In September of that year, after a major fight with her mom, sister Joan came to live with Alice and Murry and their growing family.  It was a time for the two sisters to finally become friends.  The eleven year difference in their ages had made that difficult.  They remained friends the rest of their lives.

   In 1949 Joan moved out to marry Jack Houk.  By then Alice and her family had moved into a house in the city of Alhambra.  The housing tract was supposed to be for veterans, but they were the second owners of the house.  They lived there on Camellia Drive until after Alice died.  Joan had her wedding reception there.  It was a house filled with life, laughter, and love.  Joan and her family lived in the next town, so they were close enough to visit each other often.  Alice had no problem letting Joan's daughter stay with them so the young couple could have some vacation time alone.

  There are a lot more stories that could be inserted here.  Hopefully I can do so later.  But to close this for now...  Eventually Alice retired from teaching at a local Catholic elementary school.  All of her children had married.  Only one divorce, that of her policeman son.  All were doing well.

   Alice was diagnosed with Leukemia.  She and her family had time to spend with each other.  Her time with her sister, Joan was especially precious to her.  Finally she had only one more goal.  Her oldest granddaughter was due to get married.  She wanted to be healthy enough to attend the wedding.  The story is that Alice met with her oncologist, asking for stronger pain killers so she could take part in the wedding.  This young man initially refused, stating that he didn't want to take the risk of her becoming addicted.  My aunt had been a school teacher, raised 6 kids, and dealt with a difficult husband-a mere doctor wasn't going to stop her.  I think her response was something along the lines of, "And this is a problem why?"  She got her drugs and was able to participate in her granddaugher's wedding as she had wanted.  I remember that she died less than a month later.

   Alice's memorial service was very fitting.  Since she knew she was dying, Alice had planned her service.  And it happened the way she had planned.   She had been one of the pillars of her parish for many years.  I think it was a memorial by the church to make sure her plans were carried out.

   I remember my Aunt Alice with much love.  She was a woman who had gone through a lot, but always found a way to help others.  She and my uncle lived a life of service to their children and others.  In many ways, they were the best Catholic Christians I've ever known.

Holy Week

Holy Week

   Real life has been remarkable lately  My job has altered several times in the last few weeks alone!  By the Sunday after Easter my job situation should have settled down (praying) and I should have my mom moved to more appropriate care.  Until then, I'm rather busy.  So only one posting this week-my thoughts on Holy Week.

   In the Christian world, Holy Week refers to the time between Palm Sunday and Easter.  It is the most holy of Christian holy days.  It's a time when we remember the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.  How it is celebrated varies amongst Christian churches.

  It is most celebrated amongst traditional liturgical churches-Roman Catholic, Lutheran, Episcopalian, Orthodox, etc.  Sadly, many of the other Christian churches do not keep a liturgical calendar, so the concept of Holy Week is limited.

   

   Lent is the season before Holy Week.  It's a time to prepare your heart and mind for the upcoming high holy days.  It starts on Ash Wednesday.  The theme of that day is that we need to remember that we started from the earth and will one day will return to it.

   The preparation of the heart and mind can come in various ways.  Fasting is often encouraged.  Common is the idea of "giving something up" for Lent.  This ranges from doing without certain foods or drinks, to giving up certain activities.  It's up to individual to choose.  Along with this is the idea of adding.  Individuals who choose to give up, for example,  one meal a week, can use that time in extra prayer.  And the money saved to donate for the poor.  Reading of spiritually encouraging materials works as an add as well.  These choices should be personal and not health challenging.

   Holy Week starts with Palm Sunday.  This is the annual remembrance of the triumphant entrance of Jesus into Jerusalem.  The crowds greeted Him with shouts of, "Save us!"  The crowd thought Jesus was going to be a political savior-to free them from Roman rule.

   Historically, Jesus spent the time from Palm Sunday to Maundy Thursday teaching and preaching in Jerusalem and camping outside the city.  They were poor and Jerusalem was full of people coming into town for Passover.

   Maundy Thursday is a very important day.  That evening was the first night of Passover and it was the last time that Jesus was to celebrate it with his disciples.  And he knew it.  The format of Passover celebrations hasn't changed all that much since the days of Jesus.

   That night, as was their habit, Jesus and His disciples went back to their campsite at the Mount of Olives.  Judas, the betrayer, had already left to bring the Temple guards to capture Jesus.  Instead of sleeping, Jesus spent much of that night in prayer.  It is recorded that He prayed twice, asking that He not have to go through the death that was preordained.  After that, His prayers were for help during the ordeal to come.  The disciples slept through this.

   After Jesus was done praying the guards showed up and Jesus was arrested.  He went willingly.  The Temple leader held a trial which took quite a while, because they couldn't find two witnesses to agree.  Eventually a guilty verdict was reached.  But since they couldn't condemn Him to death, Jesus was hauled to King Herod, the local political leader.  Herod knew what a political hot potato Jesus was and refused to condemn Him.  So Jesus was brought to the  Roman authority, Pontius Pilate.  The Temple leaders really wanted Jesus killed and brought strong political pressure on Pilate.

   So Jesus was condemned to die.  He had already been ridiculed, tortured, and whipped.

Churches that hold Maundy Thursday services often hold what are called vigils.  Prayer times.  Times to remember the sacrifice of Jesus.

  What is commonly called Good Friday is often called a Holy Day of Obligation.  Roman Catholics are required to attend church that day.  It is a day of mourning.  Jesus has died on the cross.  He has been buried in a borrowed tomb.  The Jewish officials, remembering what Jesus had said about His resurrection, posted guards at the tomb.  I don't know about other churches, but in the Roman Catholic church the normal candles are extinguished.  Even the priests' robes are somber.  Since Jesus traditionally was on the cross from 3-5 p.m., that's when the Good Friday service was, growing up.  Longest church service of the year.

   Many non-traditional Christian churches hold their Good Friday services that evening.  The message is still that of the death of Jesus and what that means for us.

Holy Saturday is a day of waiting.  Jesus is still in the tomb.  Traditional churches continue holding prayer vigils.  For some, it's a way of identifying with Jesus.  In specific ceremonies (no matches), the church candle lights are re-lit.  Waiting.  Lent is almost over.

Easter can be an amazing day.  It's a celebration.  Jesus has come back from the dead.  If you have spent Lent preparing your heart and mind it's a great release.  It's the end of fasting.  Easter is a day to feast.  Chocolate figures highly in my day.

   Protestant churches popularized the Sunrise service.  I'm not a morning person, so I don't often attend Sunrise services.  But many people love them and find them very inspiring.  This year I have to work during the day, so I'll be attending an evening service.

Christ is risen!  He is risen indeed!  And we are reborn as well.