How to Survive the Holiday Season - Finale

How to Survive the Holiday Season

Finale

     I've talked about a lot of different topics, but it's time to close this for now.  There are a few more topics I want to talk about.

1.  Company parties - Depending on the company, they tend to be mandatory.  Check the notes.  What's the dress code?  Are kids welcome?  As I know from personal experience, if your kids are there, keep an eye out for spiked punch.  Kids don't know the difference.

2.  Christmas photos - I touched on this briefly earlier.  With changing technology a trip to the local kids photo shop is not necessary.  You can still do something like that if you want a professional photo shoot.  I'm personally not a fan of the mall photo shops.  Hire a pro you trust and choose your own setting.  Your kids will be happier.  Especially if they don't have to be bored for two hours waiting.  Technology has changed so much of how this can be done now.  Use photos from events during the year in your holiday letter or email.  Be creative!

3.  Holiday food and drink - From Thanksgiving through New Years is the season for amazing food and drink.  Think about it - turkey, ham, crown roast, cookies, cakes, pies, fudge, Grandma's homemade candy, tamales, specialty breads, the list goes on.  Diet before Thanksgiving.  Don't even think about dieting during the holiday season.  And don't be the person asking for no-sugar, soy, lactose free dishes.  I just heard a nightmare story about the Aunt who brought pumpkin pies with sugar substitute to the family dinner, because she was cutting out the sugars.  

   There are people who need specialty diets.  Plan for it.  You know what you can eat.  Stick to that.  Make sure your kids stick to what they can eat.  Bring food you can trust.  Just don't force your needs on everyone.

   There can be a lot of alcoholic drinks available during the holiday season.  Know your limits.  If you do plan to drink, do just that, plan for it.  NO DRINKING AND DRIVING!  The same goes for other intoxicants.  Don't put others at risk so you can have fun.  On the positive side, there are a lot of drinks, alcoholic and not, that are only available during the holiday season.  Eggnog comes to mind.  Enjoy!

4.  Holiday travel - With or without kids

Without kids is simpler.  A whole lot less stuff to bring with.  Can be last minute.

With kids takes planning.  You can't drive 14 hours straight.  You will all be crazy unless your family is trained to survive this.  Traveling with kids takes practice.  They have to be taught how to behave, whether it's in a car for longer than 30 minutes, or in an airport or plane.

   Quick tips:  Babies don't understand about swallowing to handle air pressure.  That's why they start crying at take off and landings.  Have something for them to swallow or eat.  Everyone around you will thank you.

   One of the things we did for long car rides was to have at least 1 new small toy for each kid.  They knew about it, but they could not have it until the car was out of the driveway.  I would also bring a new book or two, and coloring books and crayons.  And snacks.  A bored kid is a cranky kid.  But you don't have to entertain them every moment.  It's a family experience, they can be part of it.  That's where the training comes in.  But something new to distract them occasionally is a good thing.

5.  Guests and relations in general - During the holidays, if you're not traveling, sometimes others are traveling ad staying with you.  Plan for it.  Be gracious, but don't let yourself be stepped on.  If you have kids, involve them in the planning.  If Uncle Fred and Aunt Rose are staying in your kids room, he ought to be involved in those discussions.  Your child needs to learn to be gracious about this, and some positive reinforcement wouldn't hurt.

Lots more I could talk about, but it's getting late.  Have fun with your holiday season.

And when it's all done, take note of what worked and what didn't so you can make changes for next year.

Family Memories - The Best Christmas Ever

Family Memories

The Best Christmas Ever

        What still ranks as possibly my Best Christmas Ever was the year I was eight years old -1961.  That holiday season had all of the elements needed.

   It started, of course, with a San-Val Christmas party.  It was December 23rd and the party was being held a day early because we had to drive up to Fresno, CA for mom's family Christmas.  The party went well, and we hurried home to finish packing to leave.  I need to mention here that we were in the middle of a hear wave.  A winter time weather condition called a Santa Anna will do that here.  It had been in the upper 80's and I had been wearing shorts.  My parents insisted that I change into long pants and have my jacket close by - something I was very grateful for later.

   At 8 years old, I was on the verge of not believing in Santa Claus.  My parents, apparently, still believed, because we set up our empty Christmas stockings and left a few presents under the tree to give out after we got back.  My parents insisted that Santa would find me up in Fresno, and that he would take care of our stockings here.

   I made sure that I was last out of the house.  No last minute stuff!  Dad was about ready to turn the car on when mom remembered something she had forgotten in the house.  Not unusual.  Dad waited impatiently for a few minutes, then told me to stay put, that he was going to hurry her up (again, not unusual).  Very soon, both were back in the car, and with a last grumble at mom, we were off.

   It had been such a warm day that my parents promised me some ice cream once we got to the bottom of the Grapevine, the pass into the Central Valley.  What I didn't know was that there was a major weather change once we were into the valley.  All the way from the bottom of the Grapevine to Fresno we drove (slowly) through Tule Fog.  Now, this is not normal fog.  It only goes up 6-10 feet high.  But it is so thick it makes coastal fog look wimpy.  Schools would close on bad tule fog days because drivers couldn't see well enough to get safely to school!

   We drove ever so slowly through that stuff.  Probably took us 3 hours longer to get up there.  It was full dark when we arrived.  And cold!  The minute we hit that fog we were all grabbing for sweaters and jackets.  It was past 8 p.m. when we finally arrived at Uncle Ralph's house and it was dark.  They had all gone out to eat, not leaving us the name of the restaurant.  So instead my parents checked into the motel they were staying at.

   Eventually everyone got back and the party began in earnest.   Before too long, all of us cousins (Pam, Chris, Janis, and I) were in our sleeping bags in front of the fireplace.  Pam's dog Shadow joined us and we gradually dropped off to sleep.

   The next day was Christmas Eve and it was cold and foggy.  Dad and I joined Uncle Ralph on a trip to his medical office.  I remember it being sort of out in the middle of nowhere, but this was Ralph's first off office as a medical doctor.  He was done with format schooling and was now almost done with his residency.  Once he was done with that, he told my dad, he wanted to move back to San Diego, where he had done his internship.  Next to Ralph's office was a cotton field that had been harvested.  I took some of the cotton balls that had been missed to show at school when I got back.

   The rest of the day and evening were very normal for us.  Aunt Alice, Uncle Murray, and their 6 kids were not there, nor were they expected.  The excuse given me was that Uncle Murray felt it was too much of an expense for a family with 6 kids to travel that far.  I suspect now that he didn't want to come because the prior year was when his attempts at causing drama were so put down.

   No Grandma or Grandpa.  They were getting up in years and Grandpa was having serious issues with what now be known as senile dementia, relating to his diabetes.  Two of his sons, later in life would go down the same path.  Grandpa's memory had deteriorated badly enough that Grandma wasn't able to care for him properly and he was about to go to a nursing home.  Uncle Ralph was going to pick the two of them up the next day for the family celebration.

   Another night with my beloved cousins.  I fell asleep trusting my parents that Santa would find me in Fresno too.  And he did!  That was the year I received my Chatty Cathy doll and my holster with a cap gun.  We have photos of me wearing that, looking fierce.  Who knows what bad guys I was after?

   After a long, but fun day, we packed up and I returned to the motel with my parents.  They wanted to make an early start for home the next day.  I remember being disappointed that I had to say goodbye to my cousins.

   It wasn't until we were on the way home that I remembered about Santa and the stocking and such at home.  Then I was excited and started bugging my folks to get home quicker.  The fog had lifted, so the ride was quicker, but still too long for me.  Once we got home I think I was the first one out of the car.  I know I almost knocked my mom over in my rush to be the first one in the house.

   But what a sight awaited me!  The stockings were still on the mantel, but now they were full of interesting packages.  And speaking of packages, there were quite a few that I knew hadn't been there when we left.  Santa was real!!!  And he did find me in Fresno and home!  It wasn't until much later that I noticed that our cheap pine tree was bent almost double from the heat and lack of water.

   To make that holiday perfect, a short time later my adopted brother, Doug, came rushing up the walk.  He had managed to get leave from the Marine Corps, but not in time to join us for the trip to Fresno.  Doug was home!  And Santa was real!  And I had gotten to spend time with my cousins!  It really was a perfect Christmas.

Note:  That was the last family Christmas with mom's family.  Grandpa died of pneumonia in the nursing home that spring.  Ralph finished his residency and did move back to San Diego.  My Aunt Bette, unfortunately, did not join him.  Their volatile relationship had finally reached its end.  Grandma moved to San Diego as well, becoming roommates with another elderly woman for several years.

HTSTHS - Christmas Tree, Part 2

Christmas Trees, Part 2

   While I took a break to earn a little bit of money, I thought about all this some more.  I want to especially note that a holiday tree does not have to be perfect.  I do have friends who aspire to perfection - I also call it Obsessive Compulsive Disorder - but they're the exception.  Christmas decorations do not have to be perfect.

   Potential perfection is upset by two sets of inhabitants of a home - children and pets.  Children should be part of the tree trimming experience as soon as they can.  Don't worry that especially young children hang ornaments low and are prone to fall off.  After they've gone to bed, those ornaments can be "helped."  Try to keep it in the same area of the tree though.  The kids will remember.

    Pets can be trained, but...  The stereotype of a cat up the tree is quite true for anyone who has owned a cat.  Dogs tend to want to chase the round ornaments.  Or eat them.  One family I know has mostly trained their pet to only play with "his" ornaments.  Good luck with that.  If there is a pet (besides fish) in the house, I plan on some breakage.

   I do want to mention tinsel.  It's getting harder and harder to find, but it is still part of some family's tree traditions.  The old stuff was metal and somewhat dangerous.  The more modern stuff is plastic based and sneaky.  You may think you've properly put tinsel on an area, only to find a few days later that you missed a whole section.  Tinsel also tends to wander all over the house.  Clean up can take a while.  I have found tinsel months later.

   One more note of tree decorating - be careful if you have toddlers or babies who have figured out how to be mobile.  You cannot watch them every second and accidents can happen.  Your tree is shiny and very tempting.  One year we put our small tree inside our child's playpen (he was a year old and walking).  We had a green belt on the tree where he could possibly reach, but the rest was decorated and safe.  Remember to keep an eye on things when you have company.  Christmas tired parents do not always keep a vigilant enough eye on Junior.  Visiting pets too.

   I've talked about making tree trimming a family event, but what if you're not a family?  Lots of ways to spread the work around.  A tree trimming party is one way.  My step dad was classic.  He loved to cook, but he didn't want the work of putting a tree up.  Mom wanted a tree.  They compromised and had a party.  Their rule was that guests couldn't eat any of Bob's mouth-watering ribs (and other things) unless you had hung up at least two ornaments.  Mom always went back later and rearranged things on the tree.  But everyone had fun and the job got done.

After Christmas is over, there remains the question of what to do with the darn thing?  Live trees can be replanted.  Fake trees can be taken apart and stored for another year.  But what about the once beautiful, formerly live tree?  It's now a drying wood and dropping needles.  Fortunately a lot of cities provide for that.  Check your town's disposal website for days that they will pick up used trees.  Sometimes, if you get it, the disposal company bill will have that information.  If you live in an apartment, ask the manager.  If all else fails, ask your neighbors.  Never, Never try to burn the dead tree in your fireplace!

   When taking down your tree, be logical.  Ornaments off first.  Then garlands, and tinsel.  Lights last.  Sort stuff.  Carefully toss out broken ornaments.  Set aside ornaments that need repair.  Make a note of what you might need for the next year.  The after Christmas sales might have what you need.  Or in November of the next year.

   After you thing you have everything off the tree (get help when possible), get everyone to help look for strays you missed.  Take the tree out in the daylight and look again.  Somehow there is always an ornament that wants to stay with the tree.

   One suggestion is to schedule the tree take down for a Saturday or Sunday when there's a football (or hockey or basketball or whatever) on tv.  Make it a fun time with family and/or friends.  Have a pot of chili ready.  It can be a good time to review the past holiday season.

  A Christmas tree is a place for a child to dream.  And they can carry a lot of memories for us.  Keep the safety issues in mind and have a blessed Christmas!

HTSTHS - Christmas Trees

How To Survive The Holiday Season

Christmas Trees

  I know I mentioned Christmas Trees a bit in the post last week, but upon further reflection, I decided that they needed their own blog.

First Disclaimer:  By Christmas Tree I mean the tree that one puts up in honor of the season.  One of my children's grandfathers was Jewish.  They had a Hanukkah bush that looked just like our tree at home, except with no manger scene stuff. I have no problem with a Winter Solstice tree either.  For me, calling it a Christmas tree is generic for holiday tree to celebrate the season.

   

   We know that Christmas trees have their historical roots in Northern Europe.  They probably were originally used by non-Christians.  The modern use of trees brought into the home to decorate for the holidays comes from Germany via Queen Victoria and her husband.  They imported the custom of having candle lit trees to England.  The idea spread to America.  Technology gave the ability to do away with the dangerous flames and the modern Christmas tree was born.  The early trees showed the wealth (or lack) of the owners.  But even poor people wanted this symbol of the holiday season.  Inventive decorators used European ideas of stringing popcorn and other grain items that animals could eat (on outdoor trees).  Tin from cans could be cut into shapes to decorate.  Paper chains could be make and used as garlands.  If there was a will, a tree could be made beautiful.

   I find it interesting that the tradition of a Christmas tree is one of the few holiday traditions that is not changing drastically due to modern technology.  Christmas cards are becoming rare.  Emails with gift cards are changing how we send presents, etc.  But a Christmas tree is still recognizably a Christmas tree.

   Whether you have a large or small one, real or plastic, green or neon, we've been having Christmas trees for a long time.  Every family has it's own way of doing all of it.  When to buy the tree, when it put it up, etc.  What works for your family?  Be prepared to change your traditions when circumstances require it.  For example, your family may have always had a huge tree in the front room.  But now you are part of a newly married couple living in a teeny, tiny apartment.  Your big tree wouldn't leave any room for you!  For that year, you may decide to get a miniature tree to put on a table.  Presents can go underneath.  Promise yourself a big, beautiful tree some time in the future and start slowly buying ornaments.

   There's always the question of live vs. a fake tree.  There are some amazing fake trees out there, and with the ever increasing cost of real trees, it's not a bad idea.  Circumstances will sometimes dictate the real vs. fake solution.  If you're going to be gone over the holidays, a real tree is a potential fire hazard.  You might consider buying a real wreath and letting the perfume from that deal with your need for Christmas tree small.  And always, use a timer to control when a tree is lighted, most especially when you're out of town.

   Speaking of safety, live trees need water.  Certainly daily at first.  Dry trees catch on fire easier.  Something to avoid.  Generally try not to have the lights on with a live tree when no one is home.  Make sure family members know what to do in case the tree does catch on fire.  And, of course, make sure the tree is not placed (live or fake) too close to any source of combustion (fireplace, heater vents, etc.)

   Where to buy your tree should be a family choice.  For a fake tree, family opinion should be consulted since all of you are going to be dealing with it for a few years.  A real tree should be a family outing as well.  Some tree lots are strictly commercial, others give part of their profits to specific charities.  For years I've only bought from a tree lot that is strictly a fund raiser for youth programs in our town.  They even hire kids from the high school to help.  They also have good trees.

   Not all Christmas trees are the same.  While most are in the pine tree family, there are a lot of variations.  What most appeals to your family?  Personally, I am fond of trees that smell good but don't drop needles easily.  Is it just me, or are pine needles the world's hardest things to get out of carpet?  I can find them (and odd bits of tinsel) in in corners of my house months later.

   As I said, when my kids were young, we all went.  I should note that there are tree farms which can either sell live trees to be transplanted outdoors after, or very fresh Christmas trees.  There is nothing like the smell of a live tree in a car.

   Fortunately for me, my husband and the kids would usually handle getting the tree from the car to inside the house.  My job was to clear out the designated area, vacuum same, and make sure the boxes with the tree stuff was in the same room.  I do not have the ability to see a straight line, so it was up to my husband and the kids to make sure the tree was straight once we got it in it's stand in the house.

   Where to put the tree once it's in the house is a matter of serious consideration.  We had one house with a lovely bay window facing the street.  I knew from the minute we first looked at that house where our Christmas tree would go.  I do like being able to see my tree from outside.

   Once the tree is in place, lights should go on first.  That's a safety thing.  Check the lights to make sure they work before starting to put them on.  Getting them on right is really a 2 person job.  After the lights are on and properly adjusted, then the family can start putting on ornaments.

   My tree, like my house, is not a decorator's delight.  The tree is usually crammed with as many of our favorite ornaments as we can put on it.  Everyone in the family has certain ornaments that they feel that only they can put on properly.  Certain ornaments relating to my kids have been claimed by them and as they establish their own homes as adults I plan to send those ornaments to them.  I like the idea of my kids taking memories with them when they move on.  After all, some of the ornaments I have came from my parents...

   Putting up and decorating the Christmas tree should be a fun family time.  Turn off the tv and computers.  Put on some holiday music.  Maybe eat some holiday cookies and certainly have some hot chocolate.  Christmas is really starting!  It doesn't hurt to have some presents already wrapped and ready to go under the tree.

I apologize, I need to end this for now.  Part 2 to be posted, hopefully, tomorrow.

Family Stories - One of the Worst, and Also, One of the Best Holiday Seasons

Best and Worst Christmas

   The Christmas season of 1982 was one of the best and also one of the worst of my life so far.

It really started in October of that year.  I got an unexpected call from my dad.  A trip to the doctor's office after minor chest pain led to him being wheeled across the street to the hospital.  They were going to do an angioplasty the next morning and could I please come up.  I dropped everything, leaving my husband to take care of our family.  The tests showed that my dad needed at least  double heart bypass surgery.  The next day my dad got to leave the hospital.  I took him down to meet his heart surgeon.  He got to spend one night at home, then I took him down the hill for his heart surgery.

  Probably the longest 8 hours of my life.  Dad ended up needing a triple heart bypass.  He came out of surgery well.  I stayed with him for about 3 weeks.  Dad had friends and neighbors to care for him.

   The doctors agreed that dad could fly down to spend Christmas with us.  After he arrived, dad told me that the doctors had recently found an aneurism in his brain that would need surgery after he got home.  Would I come up again for him?  Of course.

  It was an amazing visit.  We took an afternoon to visit our home town.  We talked about memories and got food at an old Mexican place.  Christmas Eve was at my mom's house.  My parents had finally made peace with each other.  Christmas Day started with just us at my house.  Christmas Day dinner was at my mother-in-laws.  On the way home my dad told me that this had been "one of the best Christmases ever for him."  He couldn't have asked for more.  It was one of my best holiday seasons as well.

   Dad was supposed to fly home the day after Christmas.  Instead I woke up to my dad yelling my name.  He was in intense pain.  We didn't know it, but the aneurism had ruptured.  I was with him in the ambulance and up to the time they wheeled him into the ER.  While I filled out paperwork the doctors fought for his life.

   According to the medical staff, the minute they opened him up "all hell broke loose."  There was nothing they could do.  Eventually my husband took me home where I had to break the news to my kids, then 10 and 8.  My dad was 69 years old.

   Until the morning of the 26th it was one of my best Christmas memories.  Then it became one of the worst.

To counteract all this gloom, next Thursday I'll write about my best Christmas, ever.

Family Stories - The Not so Happy Christmases

Family Stories

The Not So Happy Christmases

   The whole holiday season is mostly about joy and goodwill, but there are those holiday seasons that are overshadowed by the harsher side of life.  I thought it only fair that I share the worst of my holidays.

1.  It was either 1966 or 1967.  I think I was around 13 years of age.  Our country was involved in a tragic war in Vietnam.  My adopted, older brother Doug was a Marine on a tour of duty there that year.  Doug wasn't much for writing, and the more modern means of communication (emails, etc.) hadn't been invented.  We treasured when he did write to us and did what we could to help (care packages, etc).

   Early in November we got a phone call from Doug's wife, Ann, who lived near Washington, D. C. with their daughter.  Ann was frantic.  Doug had been badly wounded and was being air evacuated back to D.C.  Realizing Ann needed help, my dad volunteered to go back there.  A good friend of the family loaned dad the money and he flew out late that night.  Before dad left, we got a phone call from Doug - he had arrived in San Francisco and was being transferred to a flight home.  Doug had already talked to Ann.  He wanted to let us know how grateful he was for letting dad travel out to help.

   It was a very long night.  We knew that Doug had been badly wounded in the chest area, but that was it.  I was Roman Catholic at the time and prayed-I don't know how many "Hail Marys."  By the time we got up the next morning dad was in D.C. and there was more news.  They were on their way to the airport to see Doug arrive.  He was alive and the doctors were hopeful, but real news would have to wait for the D.C. doctors.

   When we got to the shop there was a telegram waiting for us from the U.S. government, telling us that Doug had been wounded.  I still have it.  Even though I already knew the news, receiving the telegram made it all fresh.  I have no idea how I got through school that day.

  My dad never forgot the arrival of Doug's plane.  First the critically wounded were rushed off to waiting ambulances.  Then the stretcher cases that were less crucial (like Doug) were taken off to the hospital.  Followed by the wounded who could walk.  Dad and Ann got to talk to Doug briefly.  Then the body bags started being unloaded, respectfully.  A lot of them.  I'm pretty sure my dad cried.

   Doug did make a full recovery.  He even earned the Silver Star for the incident.  He used his recovery time to make some major decisions.  He entered the Warrant Officer program and eventually retired from the Corps as at Lt. Col.

  My dad made it home for Thanksgiving, but the trip put a pall on the entire holiday season.  My innocence about the war was gone.

2.  My parents separated in September of 1971.  My dad had one extra marital fling too many.  My mom was done.  She eventually filed for divorce.  I'll write about it another day, but the fact is that both were to blame.  They really were each others True Love.

   It was my dad who moved out, so at first I lived with my mom.  I had just started college.  With all the stress, my mom had what I would call a nervous breakdown.  I think she functioned ok at work, but when I got home from school/work, she would talk at me - releasing all her hurt.  She told me all about my dads infidelities in great detail.  Stuff I didn't want to know.  I would have to lock my bedroom door to keep her from coming in to tell me more.  For hours at a time.  And she wouldn't listen to me asking her to stop.  

   Eventually I told my dad and he let me live with him.  Since he only had a one bedroom place, I slept on the sofa, but it was fine.  In fact good.  The problem was that his most recent floozy wanted to become permanent.  And if she wanted to spend the night, I had to go elsewhere - to my mom's.  This was often a last minute thing, so I'd show up at moms unexpectedly.  She'd ask why I was there and I'd have to lie to her.  Not good.  That was probably why I moved out on my own early in 1972.

   Anyway, Christmas, 1971.  Probably my most surreal Christmas.  I spent Christmas Eve with my mom.  The two of us pretending that everything was normal.  It wasn't, but it was us working our way to our new normal.

   Christmas morning my dad picked me up and we had our own Christmas back at his place.  I had helped decorate and that felt like my real Christmas.  Then I found out that we were having Christmas dinner with his girlfriend, Gayle.  And Gayle's two kids.  I don't remember the girl's name.  She was close to my age.  The son, Danny was only 16.  But already 6'2" and largely out of control.  Very sureal.

3.   Probably the worst Christmas was the one that happened a few years later.  My parents had divorced.  Gayle was entrenched.  I think I was attending Bible College by this time.  Christmas Eve was with my mom, as it continued to be or many years.

   For some reason, Gayle's son Danny and a friend named Dana decided to commit suicide the night of December 23rd.  They went up into the local hills, and washed down depressants with alcohol.  The near freezing temperatures that night, plus Danny's size saved his life.  Dana wasn't so lucky  So Christmas Eve day I get a phone call from my dad telling me this.  I went to the hospital.  Gayle was hysterical.  Danny was being kept in a coma while they were slowly warming his body back up.  Lots of prayer that Danny wouldn't be brain damaged.  The doctors wouldn't let Gayle in to see Danny because they correctly figured out that her hysteria wouldn't help.

   After this I had to go to my mom's for Christmas Eve.  And pretend that nothing was wrong.  Remember, Danny is the son of "the other woman."  Hardest Christmas Eve.  I brought a roommate with me.  It helped.

   Christmas Dad was no fun.  Mostly I spent it in the hospital waiting room.  Gayle was still hysterical.  Dad trying to help her.  Me praying.

   Danny did recover.  Through friends of mine he did find his way to becoming a Christian.  Unfortunately being Gayle's son was the stronger influence and he ended up staying a not nice person.

I have to go to work, so I have to end this here, but I have one more story to add.  It was a combination of best and worst of holiday seasons.  I'll try to get it written later today.

HTSTHS - Holiday Decorating

How to Survive the Holiday Season

Holiday Decorating

   There are so many variables to think about when you think about decorating for the holiday season.  Here are some questions to help you think about it and my thoughts.

1.  Do you want to decorate?

2.  Inside?  Outsie?  Both?

3.  How much do you want to decorate?

4.  Are there rules where you live limiting what and where you can decorate?

5  What's your budget?

6.  What are your personal tastes?

Always remember, things change!

   If you decorate may be a year to year decision.  Lots of things can change your desire to put out deco.  Or, decorating a certain way may become a Tradition.   It's harder to change Traditions.

I decorate.  Both inside and outside.

   I'm not a talented decorator.  To be honest, my style on interior decorating is to box up the normal deco and put out as much of my Christmas stuff as possible.  If I have time I make it pretty, but just having it out makes me happy.  Each piece has a history.

   Almost no one starts out with a fancy collection.  Collecting slowly works for most of us.  That whole budget thing.  Do Not expect your place to look like the magazines.  Unless you are, of course talented enough to do that.  I'm certainly not.  Start small.  Make stuff if you have that sort of talent.

Remember, your place, inside or out should reflect your personal tastes.

Practical note:  Before setting stuff up, check to make stuff works, lights especially.  Having spare bulbs and batteries is a good idea.  A timer for outside displays is crucial in my opinion.  Using a timer inside is good too - especially if you're going to be out.  Also check to make sure that any electrical cords you use on outside deco is meant to be outside.  Check to make sure it's the right kind.  It's rather a nuisance to have to go back to the store because your new outside deco needs a 3 prong socket and all you have is two prong.

   Also, the new command hooks are a good way to hang inside deco, if they work. And they hurt the walls less.

Thoughts on various groups:

Young Adults living at home:  If you're living at home you may have a limited ability to affect what is put out.  However, you should help put it up.  Volunteer even.

Single adults living away from home:  If you have your own place, it's your call how much gets decorated, and where.  However, if you have roommates, you are going to have to negotiate.  At one point my son was living with two other people.  One decorated much of the house with Nightmare Before Christmas, which they were all cool with.  My son, however, had a mini tree, with lights in his room for his own personal decoration.

Married/ with a Significant Other and no kids:  Same general advice.  Lots more talking about what traditions each brings in and what will work for the both of you.  Watch any budget you set up and listen to each other.  Share in the work.  If one person wants certain decorations to happen and the other is not willing to help in the process, the person wanting that deco gets to decide:  Do they do it themselves, or do they talk to the SO about other deco ideas?  Nagging is not an option.

With children:  Do not plan on perfect if you have children.  Once they reach a certain age kids can help set up some things.  And kids can be trained to stay away from the breakables, but plan on breakage.  Fragile stuff you don't want broken should either be completely out of reach, or maybe it can wait a year or two to come out.

With pets:  Plan on breakage, especially if you have inside animals.  Some families will have non-breakable ornaments on the bottom of their trees and the more fragile stuff higher up.  That doesn't always work well with cats, but it can help.  Good luck!

If you need ideas, drive around your neighborhood and decide what you like and don't like.  Watch for the after Christmas sales and pick up what want for next years deco.

Be Flexible.  Have fun.  Make it part of your family traditions.

Family Stories - Christmas at San-Val

Christmas at San-Val

   What is a San-Val?  That is a good question.  Once, long ago, there was a small business known as San-Val Printers.  They were the local, small town printer in the San Gabriel Valley (hence the name).  They printed everything from 3 part forms for doctors to small booklets, to cards given out at funerals, union newsletters, high school dance tickets, etc.  This was back in the days before computers when the printing industry was limited to two types of printing presses - ones that used metal type, and offset presses that used a process tied to photography.  Copying machines were just starting to become popular about the time my dad sold the business.

  My dad had largely grown up in the area where he and my mom started their business.  He had, in fact, grown up with many of the civic leaders.  It was dad's knowledge of the area and its people as well as his personality that made San-Val Printers what it was.  The shop always had an area for coffee breaks, where dad would meet with people during the day.  He'd share a cup of coffee with them while they talked about a printing job, then they'd get down to their real reason for stopping by - some crisis in their lives.  Dad dispensed wisdom as well as printing.  We used to joke about it being a Never Ending Coffee Pot.

  

Both of my parents put in long hours at the shop.  They were there, officially, Monday thru Friday, 8-5.  Often we ran later and Saturdays were often work days as well.  When I was little I had a playpen in the back.  Once I reached school age and I was safe around the presses (I learned early to NEVER get too close), I had a very cool roll up desk.  I attended the school close to the shop and walked there from the shop.  My first friends were the Chinese kids whose parents ran the laundry next door.

But Christmas at San-Val was special.  For me, it always started the day my dad went down to Sees Candy to pick up our Christmas order.  Our good customers would get a one pound box of the amazing chocolates.  Sometimes my dad would take me with him when he made these happy deliveries.  I would have to make sure I looked nice, with mom fixing my hair before we left.  It probably didn't hurt to have a cute kid help drop off the Christmas goodies.  Sometimes I would be given a cookie or candy as well.  Sometimes I wondered if our chocolates ever made it past the office staff at some of the places to the bosses.

   Actually, now that I think about it, Christmas really started for us the day the Christmas card books came in.  The card companies would send us these huge (to me anyway) books filled with samples of the beautiful cards for people to purchase.  They could be imprinted with the family name, etc.  Remember, this is all before computers.  When enough of the books came in, mom and I would set aside the wedding books that normally sat in that part of the customer area, and put in the Christmas card books.  Our window banner "Christmas Cards sold here!" would go up as well.  We'd even put in a few simple decorations.

  We didn't decorate a lot in the back part of the shop.  A few things, some ribbon.  It depended on who had the time and energy.  Mostly we were too busy working.  I helped too.  When the Christmas card orders came in I was allowed to help count the cards and envelopes and make sure the imprinting was done properly.

   The shop Christmas party was the big thing.  Everybody looked forward to that, though sometimes I think I did more than anybody. It was usually held on Christmas Eve.   I know mom did some prep work ahead of time for the party.  She baked, of course.  But I don't remember us bringing a lot of stuff to the shop that day.  It always seemed like there were printing jobs that had to get done before we could close for the day.  I was out of school by then, so I was there, waiting not at all patiently.

   Eventually around 11 or so, if dad wasn't running one of the presses he'd ask me to join him in running some errands for the party.  Sometimes it meant a last minute delivery of candy.  Or a quick trip to the market for paper goods.  But that was preliminary.  It wasn't until dad asked me to go with him to the liquor store just down that street that I knew it was almost time for the party.  At the liquor store dad would pick up some liquor, some mixers, some chips, and some nuts.  He'd let me pick up a few sodas, a rare treat.  Then we'd haul our treasures back to the shop.  

   Mom and I would then get the coffee table area ready.  She would already have put a Christmas centerpiece there and maybe even a holiday tablecloth from home.  I would bring in the chairs from the customer area to make more seating.  A fresh pot of coffee would be brewed.  Dad handled the liquor area.  Mom would break open the box of Sees candy that they had saved for the party.  I was allowed one.  It was barely enough to handle my excitement.

   Finally, finally the last job would be done and the presses were turned off.  Usually around 1 p.m.  I would get to turn the sign on the front door to "Closed" and the party was on!  Although the front door was locked, most folks knew to come around back.  

   Officially it was a party my parents gave for the employees (usually 2), but all sorts of people would show up.  Everyone would get a drink and be encouraged to sit and eat.  Former employees would show up, friends, customers, etc.  Business would not be discussed.  Some of the visitors would bring food or sweets with them.  But all would leave in good cheer!

   Now was when I got to eat my fill of nuts and cookies, and chips and whatever food was there.  I could drink my soda and got to open presents from the employees. I think I usually gave them copies of my school picture.  There were funny stories from various people.  Some of them were probably too adult for me.

   At some point I would take a 2 pound box of Sees Candy over to my friends at the laundry.  The two families always gave each other the same things.  We gave them the big box of candy.  They gave us a box of good Chinese green tea (for mom mostly) and for me, a large box of my favorite Chinese snack.  The Hawaiians call it crackseed.  It's a dried plum soaked in licorice, salt, and sugar.  I still love it to this day.  By December of each year I had always run out of the prior years dried plums, so getting a new box was a real treat!

   Eventually, back at the party, my dad would give out the bonus check and say a few words.  Heart felt and yet humorous.  More food and drink would follow.  Finally, just before 3 o'clock our pressman at the time would look at his watch and lumber to his feet.  He knew that he had to get to the bank before 3 to deposit the bonus check.  This was before ATMs and you had to go into the back and talk to a real bank teller to deal with your money.  And they closed at 3 p.m. that day.   He would always make a joke about how his wife would kill him if he didn't get the check in.  One pressman had a wife who would show up around 2 p.m. to make sure both he and the check made it to their proper destinations.

   Not too long after that the party would start to end.  After all, it was Christmas Eve and people had places to go.  Santa stuff to do.  We would clean up the shop and talk home the leftovers.  I always made sure that what was left of the Sees made it home!  

   There was no let down after the party.  I had my new supply of dried plums.  And it was Christmas Eve!!!  The Great Event had begun!

  

HTSTHS Christmas Stockings

Christmas Stockings

   The concept of having Christmas Stockings seems to be a pretty solid tradition.  After all, "The stockings were hung by the chimney with care."  But are they just decorations, or are they filled and part of your holiday traditions?

   I asked my mom about her family and she said that they always had Christmas stockings.  They were poor, so often what was in them was a bit of candy, a used toy, and maybe some fruit.  But they were hung and filled.  Hung Christmas Eve and emptied early Christmas morning, before presents.  I have no idea about my dad's family.  The stockings were often socks, the largest ones the kids could find.

   So, it was probably my mom that brought the tradition of Christmas stockings to my family.  We didn't use socks.  Instead, mom found felt stockings that had our names put on them in glitter.  Yes, I still have mine.  They were larger than normal socks and had room for all sorts of treasures - everything from socks and hair ties to small toys and decks of cards.  And candy, of course.  None of the stocking presents were all that expensive and a lot of them were practical.  And always at least one toy.

   That was the tradition I brought to my marriage.  My husband had no problem with it, probably because it was similar to his own families traditions - and the fact that I did almost all the work.  We had stockings that I made.  Lots of love and thoughtfulness.  For many years the stocking presents would not get wrapped until late Christmas Eve.  Sometimes presents would go into the wrong stockings.  I invented and re-invented different methods to keep things straight.

   But not all families do this.  It's ok.  Some families just use them as decorations.  It's all about the traditions.  And remember, traditions change.  Once my children reached their teens I made them Santa's helpers.  I would give them a bag with stocking presents for someone else in the family for them to fill.  And then I would make them help me wrap said presents.  Gradually I got them involved in helping but the presents too.

   Speaking of buying, where and what do I put in stockings?  Still usually practical presents.  At my son's request he no longer gets socks or underwear.  Target is a great place for hair stuff,( including combs) small toys, socks for people that want them, etc.  I still buy small candy (usually at Sees, my favorite).  Keep an eye open all year for the small stuff.  If I'm on vacation I look for thimbles for my mom's collection.

  I also want to remind you about budgeting.  Everything you put into a stocking, no matter how much you think the recipient will love it, costs money.  Try really hard not to over spend.

   Remember what I said about traditions changing?  When my kids were young, on year I put stuffed animals in the tops of their stockings.  It became a tradition.  My kids, as young adults had fun finding just the right plush for others stockings.  But now they're adults and that tradition is dying out.

   Changes in finances can change things too.  This year, we're all adults and all of us are on very tight budgets.  So this year we have decided to hang the stockings in faith that the coming years will be better.  The exception will be my mom.  At 85 and dealing with dementia, she deserves the joy of a Christmas stocking.  It's been fun looking for little things for her.

   The big thing about Christmas stockings is not the tradition.  It's not the presents.  It's the love shown that matters.

Family Stories - Christmas With Mom's Family

Christmas With Mom's Family

   There are 4 Thursdays in December, so I'm going to give you four different sets of Christmas tales.  Today I'm going to talk about the childhood Christmas celebrations I remember with my Mom's family.

   When I was young, the part of my mom's family that lived in California got together twice a year - summer camping at Yosemite and Christmas.  For Christmas we would get together the weekend before December 25th.  Sometimes we'd get lucky and be able to get together on Christmas Day itself, but we always worked it out.  

   The group consisted of Grandma and Grandpa, Uncle Ralph and Aunt Bette, Aunt Alice and Uncle Murray,  Aunt Louise and Uncle Paul, and my parents, Joan and Jack.  Plus all of us cousins.  If all of us came, there would be 20 of us.  My uncle Del and his new wife Carla didn't make it to these events.  I suspect he was still working through some anger at his mom.  My mom and Aunt Louise were in pretty good contact with him though and he eventually started showing up again.

   By the time I was born both Grandma and Grandpa were retired.  My grandfather was an insulin dependent type 2 diabetic, with a lot of other health issues.  Both he and my grandmother were also showing signs of what we would now call dementia.  With my grandparents in uncertain health, the family stuff was organized by the siblings.  The four active with Christmas planning agreed to take turns hosting the event.  Somehow my Aunt Louise always had some excuse why she couldn't host the event.  Not a surprise to anyone.  Now was it when she and her family would show up at the host's house, sleeping bags in hand.

   My family lived only one town over from my Aunt Alice, so we saw a lot of them.  It also meant that Christmas at either of our houses was a simple thing.  When my Uncle Ralph hosted we trekked up to Fresno, CA.  My parents got a motel room nearby, but I got to bed down in the front room near the fireplace with my cousins.  We all eventually got to sleep, but it was a lot of fun.

   The favorite site (according to my cousins) was my house.  We had a great back yard, but the real draw was the large add-on room in the back of the house that was my dad's sanctuary.  For the holiday season he would put up his large train layout.  It was big enough for buildings, scenery and could run two trains at once!  For us kids my dad would put together a small round track in the dining room.  I was put in charge of it by the time I was five.  This rather irritated some of my older cousins.  But I knew my cousin Pat.  He was a mischief maker and would deliberately crash the train if he could.
   Since there was a large number of people, the adults would draw names.  Everyone got presents for Grandma and Grandpa, but otherwise they just got for the family whose name they drew.  Not fun having to shop for my Aunt Alice and her 6 kids, but we all took turns.
   Everyone helped with the food as well.  And the clean up.  And yes, we had a kids table.  All of us had black and white televisions then (not the luxury of color yet), and not many choices, so no tv during meals and during most of the event.  I should mention here that all the adults in the family drank alcohol in those days.  It was a social norm.  My Uncle Murray was the closest to a teetotaler, so things were calmer when he was around, but never too outlandish.  My Aunt Louise has been known to drink, but sometimes she would decide that her husband Paul, needed to stay sober.  No idea why, just my Aunt.  One time she had decided that Uncle Paul should only have one drink during the party.  My dad, who tolerated Louise at best, decided to "help."  Every time Paul's glass started to go down a little my dad would quietly refill it when Louise wasn't looking.  Paul got drunker and drunker as the night went on.  Louise kept asking him if that was another drink.  Paul could truthfully say that it was the same, only drink she had demanded.  My dad was still laughing about that years later.
   It was an interesting collection of people.  Aunt Alice was a sweetheart.  Uncle Murray was, well, Uncle Murray.  I'll tell a classic story about him next. Ralph and Bette were both passionate people.  Their fights were legendary, but they were very much in love the rest of the time.    Uncle Paul was easy going (he had to be married to Louise!) and handled Aunt Louise well.  Mostly all of them got along well.  I say mostly.  The one fly in the ointment was Uncle Murray.  He was an efficiency expert who was sure he knew how the world should be.  How Alice put up with him was a mystery to the rest of us, but she loved him and knew how to maneuver around him.
   Murray loved to aggravate people.  He would deliberately say and do things to make people angry.  And with the Irish tempers in our family that was sometimes pretty easy to do.  Murray had managed to upset several holiday parties in a row, the most recent being at his own home.  The rest of the family (leaving Alice out of it) talked about it privately and decided that Murray would not upset the next Christmas!
   The next Christmas celebration was at my house.  As usual, Alice, Murray, and their 6 kids were late.  This had given the adults time to finalize their plan.  It was a simple plan.  No one was going to argue with Murray that year.  The group also decided to keep Murray away from Grandpa as well.  Grandpa was off limits as a target!  To prove how serious they were they all agreed - the first person  who got into a verbal fight with Murray would have to pay for the liquor for the weekend!
   It wasn't easy, but somehow everyone kept their tempers.  There was a lot of "Interesting idea Murray.  Excuse me, I think my wife is looking for me."  We kids were used as an excuse too.  Murray just wasn't having any fun.  As soon as the gifts were given out, Murray was rushing his family out the door to go home.  Aunt Alice was heard to state, "But we were all having such a good time..."   Murray didn't try that again.

   Years later at a family reunion at Alice and Murray's house my mom was telling this story to a bunch of my cousins (both Alice and Murray were out of the room).  At the end two of Alice's kids stated, "So that's what happened!  We wondered for years why we had to leave the party early!"

I'll tell more about my mom's family and Christmas in a few weeks.

How To Survive the Holiday Season: Presents

Presents

   One of the most stress inducing part of the holidays (besides scheduling) are presents.  Who do you buy for?  How much do you spend?  Etc.   Here's what I've learned.

  

1.  Create a "Who Am I Responsible to Buy Presents For This Year" list.  Set it up as early as you can.  Summer is actually a good time.  Update this list every year.    With larger families there are lots of ways to handle this.  I know of families who buy for the kids, but pick names for the adults.  For them it works.  Our family is smaller, so for now (remember, traditions change) we don't pull names.  A lot of this gets handled under negotiations.  Family traditions play a big role here.

2.  Once you know who you are shopping for, set a budget.  It is logical to plan to spend more for your Mom than for Aunt Rose.  Plan for it.  If you set your budget early it will keep you (hopefully) from buying too much stuff for any one person.  Also keep the expense down.  Setting the list and the budget early will also enable you to pick up presents you find - even while on vacation.  Stick to the budget, unless everyone involved agrees to the change.

3.  Keep a running list of what you (and others if needed) have purchased.  Keep the list with you.  Give an updated, appropriate copy to anyone who is doing some of the shopping for you.   When I was married, due to my husband's job I tended to be the one who did most of the shopping.  Knowing what I had already purchased for whom was a big help for him when he did have time.  Usually from November on there is a copy of that list in my purse somewhere.  Woe to anyone on that list who tries to find it and to decipher my codes!

4.  Negotiate ahead of time who buys what gifts.  I refused to buy my own presents when I was married.  Nor did I buy presents for my husband's secretary or his mother.  But we communicated about the rest.  Consider who is best to buy what present.  My husband was better at buying electronics and things like bicycles.  My job was concealment and wrapping.

5.  Speaking on concealment, I'm of the opinion that everyone in the family should have their own "secret" place to put unwrapped presents.  Especially for kids.  Any child who sneaks into these secret locations deserves to lose anything they find there.  Growing up my kids knew to stay out of certain parts of my closet.  I stayed out of their locations too.  Another concealment issue is that of larger presents.  Use your imagination.  When in doubt - hide in plain sight.  One year we hid my daughter's new bed in the garage next to the dryer.  A moving blanket was casually draped over the headboard and she never noticed the boxes with the mattresses and such.  We use a similar method to hide a new bike for my son one year.

6.  Wrapping - everyone helps!  Too many years I have found myself up late at night, trying to get present wrapping done.  If you have small children, you may be stuck.  Late at night may be the only "safe" time to get it done.  If you can, wrap a few presents daily.  Waiting until the last minute is almost a guarantee of grumpyness!  Besides, if presents are wrapped early, there will be some ready to put under the tree once that arrives.  I don't know about you, but a tree with a growing number of presents makes me feel like I've accomplished something.

   Make kids, once they are old enough, wrap the presents that they are giving people.  So they didn't pay for it, that's not important.  If the child wraps it there is emotional attachment to that present.  And it involves them in Christmas giving.

   Also, it is not necessary to have all the stages of wrapping done at once.  If I'm in a rush I will put the paper on and slap on a name label.  I'll put on the fancy ribbon later.  Once a present has holiday paper on it, anyone can put on ribbons.

7.  Getting presents to people can be an art form itself.  Generally if I know I'm going to see someone during the holidays I have their present ready and with me.  Sometimes you have to schedule dropping off gifts.  If I know the receipant is not going to be anywhere near me during the holidays I will ship the gifts.  As early as possible!!!  I tend not to use the postal service.  I've just had better luck with the private carriers.  I really dislike the lines.  Another reason why I really like website shopping.

8.   There will always be someone who shows up who needs to receive a present.  For whatever reason.  I always keep extra, small stuff tucked away.  When my kids were young it never failed that they would come home from school with the news that they needed a $5 present for the class/sports/whatever party the next day.  Watch mom pull magic out of her Christmas stash.

   Special Christmas foods work well too.  Great Aunt Mina from back East is stopping by?  Slap a bow on a small container of jam you made last summer.  No ability to be crafty?  Use your imagination.  Those $5 Target gift cards that you get for purchasing something make great last minute gifts.  Small, bu thoughtful.

   Don't forget your neighbors.  For years we have given holiday tins to ours.  Usually cookies, but sometimes mini holiday bread loaves or candies.  It gives us an excuse to try out new recipes and to thank them.  Also a chance to meet new neighbors or to touch bases with neighbors that we haven't seen lately.

Note:  If you do give gifts of food, keep in mind any medical conditions or allergies.

9.  How do you choose what to get someone?  I am a big fan or Amazon.com wish lists (or any web store wish list).  In years past I've used the huge amount of catalogs as "wish books."  My family knows they can make things with their names on them and there is a chance that Santa may bring them.

10.  Depending on how organized you are, try keeping track of details for the important people in your life.  If you think you won't remember, find a place to note what you purchased for them last time.  Keep track of sizes (especially when they are kids) and color preferences.  If you know what kind of music, movies, etc. they like, note that too.  Organization is a good thing.

11.  Especially when buying clothes, try to imagine the individual wearing the item.

   The important thing to remember is to budget, keep track of what you've already purchased, and to keep things moving.

Now on to people group notes:

Teens/young adults:  You've got it easy.  Generally your name goes on gifts without you having to pay for, wrap, or purchase them.  You're part of the "and family" on the tag.  As soon as possible however, you should be using your own money to buy or make presents for your parents.  A general rule of thumb is that the older you are, the more you are expected to pay for and help with your share of family presents.

With Significant Other/no kids:  Now there are many more presents to come up with.  The good news is that you now have help.  Lots of careful negotiations needed however.  You will probably be expected to take care of most of your family, even though your SO's name is on the tag too.

With kids:  Presents for the kids add up, on top of all the other.  Congratulations, you're now an adult and get to pay for all of it!  Don't forget that any activities your kids are involved in may also have a holiday party with present needed.  Oh yeah, and don't forget that Grandma and grandpa want a present from each kid.  School pictures work well.

Divorced/separated:  These are unsafe waters!  Use common sense.  The big thing to avoid is trying to buy the kids affection via better presents than the other parent.

Seniors:  Seniors often have limited budgets.  And as they age, often limited means to buy or wrap presents.  Seniors need to do what they can, but to be realistic about their limits and their needs.

Note:  when buying presents for seniors, bear in mind that they might be living in senior housing, which has very limited space.   And few needs for more "stuff."  A real present might be time spent with them doing something, like going out for a meal.

And to close with a story.  My dad's second wife was "The Other Woman" in his divorce from my mom.  Gayle really was a nasty woman.  With no fashion sense.  I would often buy her clothes for Christmas, as I knew her size.  When shopping, I would look for the most horrid, gaudy tops and such that I could find.  She always loved them.  Honestly.  It's a gift.

Family Memories - Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving

   Thanksgiving Day is a unique holiday here in America.  It is non-religious and has historical roots in American history.  It has evolved into a day for giving thanks with family and friends.  And eating a lot of good food!

   My earliest memories are mostly of my dad's family, either at one of their homes or at ours. My mom's family got together for Christmas, so Thanksgiving went to my dad's family.  By the time I reached my teens most of my dad's family was gone, so it was just us and our strays after that.   I didn't have any cousins from that part of my family, so often I was the only child.  I got to sit at the Adult table and to listen to their conversations.  With my mom's family I was one of a herd of cousins, so we were sent to a Children's table

  We believed (and I've passed this on) in taking in strays for the holidays.  Since it's primarily a family event we often invited those who were not able to be with their own families for one reason or another.  This had made for interesting meals over the years.

  

  Lots of anticipation.  Preparation would begin early.  Special food was bought.  Special baking happened.  If it was at our house there was weeks of cleaning to do.  Often I got to use the silver polish and to clean our copper items.  I loved seeing that stuff shine afterwards.

Thanksgiving day started early in our house.  We always bought a large turkey.  And since we traditionally ate around 3 p.m., it meant prep for cooking started early.  Mom and I would watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade while chopping the vegetables for the dressing.  I tried to avoid having to cut the onions.  Until I was older Mom did the heavy work with the bird.  I watched the Macy's Parade today, the last few years it seems a shadow of the glory that it was when I was a kid.

Our typical menu for the day was the following:

Turkey

Dressing

Mashed potatoes

Gravy

Sweet potatoes (or yams)

Cranberries

Rolls

Pickles (dill and sweet)

Olives (black and several kinds of green)

Celery

Carrots

Side salads

etc.

Ahead of time (to stave off the hunger pains brought on by the smells) included:

nuts

chip and dip

cheeses

etc.

And of course, deserts:

cookies

lots of pies (pumpkin, pecan, fruit)

and a family tradition, persimmon pudding

and of course, drinks

      By the time the smells were driving me crazy guests would start to arrive.  The good silver and china was out.  The tables were full of good food.  Someone would say grace.  It would be brief.  None of that having each person say what they were grateful for.  Thank you God!  And start passing the food.  Lots of conversation while eating.  The TV was off during the meal.  Football watching before and after, but not during.  Must show respect for all this amazing food!

   Eventually we finished eating.  More talking.  Once there was a little bit of room it was time for desert.  So full!  Our guests would leave and after the food leftovers were dealt with often my parents and I would go for a walk before cleaning up.  It was nice to go outside and enjoy the evening after so much time indoors that day.  A time for quiet enjoyment.  Then clean up and time to rest.

   A few things stick out.  When I was a kid my Dad had a friend who started out as a reporter for the local newspaper. He and my dad had a lot in common and when the friend moved to the state capital to cover politics they stayed in touch.  I never knew when this friend would show up.  One Thanksgiving he joined us.  Interesting man.  He understood the workings of state and local politics and I learned a lot listening to him talk to my parents.  He was also highly allergic to several things, so he mostly couldn't stay in motels.  When he was in town he would sometimes stay with us, since he and I shared several allergies.

   The first time I cooked the full Thanksgiving Dinner was when I was 13.  My parents owned and ran a small time Printing business.  That Thanksgiving there was a rush job that a client had to have finished on that Friday.  So I was given a choice.  Either I went down to the shop with my Dad and helped with the bindery aspect of the job (I was too young to run the presses), or I could stay home, but I would have to cook our Thanksgiving feast.  It was an easy choice. I was 13 and home had tv, my music, and the phone.  I thought it would be easy.  I think I must have made 15 phone calls to my mom that day, asking for help.  Somehow I managed to get it all done and the turkey was edible.  Mom helped with the final prep once they got home.  I helped every year after that.  It's not hard, just time consuming.

   Another memorable Thanksgiving was the one when I was 19.  My parents had divorced and I had moved out.  I was living with a remarkable collection of people that we called the U.N.  That Thanksgiving I brought two of my roommates with me.  One was an immigrant and the other just had crazy parents, but neither had experienced a typical American Thanksgiving before.  Truly fun.

   And lastly, I should talk about the persimmon pudding.  This is a recipe that comes down from my father's maternal side.  The women in my family have it hand written on one of the pages of a cookbook.  It starts "One cup sugar or less."  It's an English style pudding that's double boiled.  So it ends up like a very, very rich moist cake.  I'm craving it even now.  I've never seen this exact recipe anyplace.  It almost has to be taught.  When my adopted brother Doug married, his wife wrote to us asking about it.  We finally made it with her so she could duplicate it.

   I stated a new tradition a few years ago.  Since I work for a theme park, I've worked on Thanksgiving Day for several years now.  It's just easier to have my own Thanksgiving meal the day before.  And then on The day, I bring in my own leftovers and quietly enjoy them.

Happy Thanksgiving!

HTSTHS - Christmas Cards

Christmas/Holiday Cards

   For a lot of people, Christmas cards are a dying thing.  I still send them.  I still have friends and (mostly) relatives that are not hooked to social media and so have little idea what is going on in my life and that of my family.  But for the rest of you, here are some questions to consider:

   Do I send cards this year or not?

   Do I send holiday emails instead?

   Who do I send to?

   Do I include a family letter?

Let me make this point really, really clear.  It doesn't matter is holiday cards don't arrive until the new year!

  Decided to send cards?   Like everything else, break it down to manageable steps.  Set up date deadlines.  The USPS posts lists of when cards and packages should be mailed by for international, etc.  Use those dates as a guideline.  Then think about how long it will take you to accomplish the following items (be honest)?  That will give you some sort of guideline for dates.

   1.  Update holiday card list

   2.  Create family letter (if sending)

   3.  Print the holiday letter (buy the appropriate paper if needed)

   4.  Find addresses

   5.  If you have them, check last years cards for address updates

   6.  Address envelopes

   7.  Look for missing addresses

   8.  Notes inside cards (as needed), sign

   9.  Insert family letter

  10.  Buy stamps

 11.  Create return address labels (if wanted)

 12. Sort for mailing

 13. Mail

   A few notes:

   I keep a spread sheet for my holiday cards.  It lists sent and received cards.  If I haven't gotten a card from someone for 2-3 years, I'm probably dropping them.  Of course, that's when they send me a card with apologies, explanations, etc.  And I'm putting them back on the list.  But the spread sheet works for me.  Before that technology was easily available I made lists and kept them.

   I tend to keep cards for at least a year.  With their envelopes.  It means I can check addresses and make sure I'm not making any major social faux paus.  I might keep old family letters.  The cards I usually donate when I'm done with them to local schools or churches for craft projects (once I've taken out any identifying stuff).

   Missing addresses are the bane of my card experience.  Thank God for email!  Every year I email my brother in AZ asking him what the addresses for his kids are now.

   After I've finished addressing the cards I do a presort.  I finish International cards first, then Out-of-State, then away-in-state, and finally local.  If I get bogged down with other stuff at least the cards that have to travel the farthest can get out first.

   Let's talk about the family letter:  You don't have to send one every year.  Last year too much sickness and sad stuff, so I didn't.  This year, however, I moved, and my daughter is getting married. Letter time!!!  The point is, you don't have to send one.  A quick note written on the card can say a lot.  Think about what you want to write.  I often do a quick written run down of the year before I start writing. I save that information for my end of the year stuff later.  What do I want to tell family and friends about our year?  Remember your audience.  Only tell them about your news.  Aunt Freda does not want to hear about her operation from you.  Be nice.  Don't brag.  Be honest about the bad news, but don't dwell on it.  Try to end the letter on a happier note. Again, remember your audience.

   Do you want to include photos?  I am glad for modern technology that makes that possible.  Next year's card will probably include a photo of all of us at the wedding.  But you don't have to.  Do you want to use the cards as an excuse for a formal family photo shoot?  Go for it.  You may be glad for those photos later.  But pictures of all of you relaxed while on vacation or at home work well too.

   Don't stress about all this.  The holiday season is supposed to be a time of peace, joy, and family.  Do not let the pressure of trying to get it all done ruin your holiday season.  Take the time to smell the Christmas tree and drink the eggnog!

   I'll close with a quick story.  Years ago we were having a traveling Christmas.  Leave Southern CA, drive to Arizona to visit my mom.  Then on the New Mexico to see my father-in-law.  Then, with him, drive down to Lubbock, TX for Christmas with the sister-in-law and her family.  The day after Christmas, reverse and come home.  As we were packing I was still trying to get the Christmas cards done.  Too much other stuff to do before leaving, I put the unfinished cards in a container.  It's amazing how many holiday cards one can finish while sitting in a car.  I've often wondered if people were surprised to see postmarks from Phoenix and Albuquerque.  I was less stressed and the job still got done.

The War Years and My Mother's Family

     Ruth and Vincent were not good dairy farmers  The Great Depression didn't help.  Neither did having 7 children.  Finally, in 1937 they gave up and moved back to Staten Island, NY.  Grandpa Vincent went to work at the shipyards.  They were just a few blocks from their new home.  Grandma Ruth cleaned houses and did odd jobs, including some nursing.  Each of the 7 kids took a seperate path.  Let's look at them.

Alice:  In 1937 Alice was 22 years old.  She had graduated college and was working as a teacher in Upstate New York.  She had effectively removed herself from the family.  She was also about to fall in love.

Ralph:  He was 20 year old.  Ralph had gradualted from high school when he was 16.  In fact, the same year as Alice.  He became a professional musician at that point.  He had been living and working In New York City, so having a family base in Staten Island was useful.


Side story:  At one point there was a musician's union strike in New York.  Ralph took a job working the Staten Island Ferry.  Mom remember bringing him meals.  Ralph and his fellow musicians needed to practice and the Staten Island house had a great front yard.  The practice sessions often turned into neighborhood concerts.

Everett:  Everett was 18 when the family moved.  He had been working CCC (Civilian Conservation Camps) to help the family out.  He might have joined the merchant marine.

Del:  Del was age 16.  Like Everett, Del also worked for the CCC.  He also started working at the ship yards with his father.  One of the family stories is that before the family moved Del was the passenger on a motorcycle with a friend.  There was an accident.  The driver was killed and Del sustained brain damage.

Marion:  Marion changed high schools with the move (age 15), but at Port Richmond High School she met Frank N., who was to be the love of her life.

Louise was 11 and Joan 9.

Side story:  In Sept. of 1938 a major hurricane (Cat. 3) aimed towards New York City.  It ended up hitting Long Island, where it did major damage.  While the family was preparing (Joan and Ruth were preparing), Louise and Del were arguing about where their most prized possessions should go to be safe from the storm.  Eventually Ruth intervened and Louise put her violin and Del his gun underneath the family piano.  There was only one part of the house that suffered any damage - the room that held the piano.  The prized possessions were safe, and the rest of the family teased the two about their argument for years.

December 7, 1941

Vincent was sick.  His type 2 diabetes was making him susceptible to pneumonia and such.  More and more he was unable to work.  Ruth noted that his last day of working was August  of 1944.  Ruth began taking jobs as a nurse in private homes (often cancer cases).  She eventually worked her way up to hospital work.  She would be considered an LVN now.

Alice:  Alice was engaged at the start of the War.  Her love joined the service as a pilot.  His transport ship was sunk in the Atlantic.  Needing to change her life, she joined Ralph when he moved to CA, probably in 1942 or 43.  She worked at a factory for the War effort.  While there she met Murray.  Murray was hard working, went to the same church, and blessedly 4f.  Their first child was born in January of 1945.

Ralph:  Ralph was 24 when the War started.  In 1939 he married Elizabeth W (we all called her Bette).  Feeling the need to settle down, Ralph and Bette decided to move to Southern California, where Ralph could get work as a musician (he did a lot of studio work) and go to school.  Their daughter Pam was born in November of 1945.

Everett was 22 when the War started.  He had been drafted into the army in March of that year and was, in fact, on leave when Pearl Harbor happened.  Everett and Ruth had gone to upstate New York to visit relatives then the news came in.  Everett had to immediately leave to report back to the army.  In 1943 he rode the trains across the U.S. so he could go to the Pacific front of the War.  He left the U.S. out of the Bay Area.  He informed the rest of the family that once the War was over he was going to move to CA.

Del was 20.  He received further brain injury (including his eyes) from an accident at the ship yards.  He was also involved in an auto accident in 1942 that killed the other driver.  All of that brain trauma left Del permaneltly about 16-17 years old.  4F for the military.

Marion left high school early to begin working.  Frank N. joined the service.  They were engaged in 1942 and married in 1943 while he was on leave.  Marion moved in with Frank's family on Staten Island for the rest of the War.

Louise was 15 years old at the start of the War and still had dreams of becoming a concert violinist.  She was also active in several social groups.

Joan was 13, and was already babysitting, doing what she could to help the family finances.  She also did quite a bit of the nursing of her father.


The War Years

   As the War progressed, it was more and more apparent that Vincent was not doing well medically.  After his forced retirement his doctors began telling him he needed to move to a climate that did not have the harsh winters.

Alice:  Alice quit working at the War plant to start having children.Mary Margaret was born in 1945, Patrick a year later.  Colleen came in 1947.  They were to end up with 6 children.

Ralph:  Music and school.  Luckily Ralph was one of those individuals who didn't need much sleep.  He and Bette had a volatile relationship.

Everett was a landing craft pilot in the South Pacific part of the War from 1943 on.  He reached the rant of Sargent several times, only to lose it.  He clearly had his father's Irish temper.

Del eventually decided to join Ralph and Alice out in California.  Although he was a favorite of his mom's, the two of them argued over his money.  In July of 1945 he drove his car out to California.  Also in the car were several boxes of family valuables that Ruth had talked him into taking out.  She knew that they would also be coming out to California.

Side story:  When Del reached Southern California he dumped the family boxes into Ralph's garage.  Years later, after Del married, Ralph and Bette asked him to get his stuff out of their garage.  They were tired of hauling it around every time they moved.  Neither Ralph nor Bette had ever looked inside the boxes.  Ruth had assumed they had gotten lost.  After both Ruth and Vincent had died apparently Del's wife had found the boxes and the family treasures were distributed to some degree.

Marion:  Living with her in-laws and sending money to her mom when she could.

Louise got her first job and graduated from high school in June of 1945.  She got to attend one year of college in Rochester, New York.

Joan continued baby sitting and took on a job selling newspapers.  Since she was female they wouldn't let her have a route, but they did let her sell.  When she was old enough, Joan took a job at the local 5 and Dime.

Post War

Due to Vincent's health issues, the decision was made to leave Staten Island.  August 6-10, 1946  saw a sick Vincent, Ruth, Louise, and Joan on a cross country buss trip.  Ralph and Bette had found them a small house nearby.

Before that (November 1945), Everett came home from the War.  Despite his plans to move to California, Everett ended up marrying the youngest sister of his best friend, Sal.  Josephine A became his bride in 1947.  The California part of the family did not go back for the ceremony. Jo refused to move to California, so Everett stated in Staten Island until her death.

Louise got her first California job in Sept. 1946.  Joan ran into issues with graduating high school in California, so she left school and graduated via night school.  That was not what Ruth wanted and the two had their first big fight.  It was solved by Joan moving in with Alice.  Joan began working in Downtown Los Angeles and helped Alice with the kids and the housework.
 
In 1948 Louise married Paul S who moved her up to Bakersfield where he had a high school teaching job waiting.  Joan met a man named Jack H while riding on the bus.  They married in September of 1949.

Del had several years of problems with anger management and alcohol abuse.  In 1949 he moved up to Bakersfield near Louise.  He vanished for quite a while, but eventually came back and sobered up.  He married a wonderful woman named Carla M in 1958.


And that's what happened with my mom's family during the War years.