Family Stories
The Not So Happy Christmases
The whole holiday season is mostly about joy and goodwill, but there are those holiday seasons that are overshadowed by the harsher side of life. I thought it only fair that I share the worst of my holidays.
1. It was either 1966 or 1967. I think I was around 13 years of age. Our country was involved in a tragic war in Vietnam. My adopted, older brother Doug was a Marine on a tour of duty there that year. Doug wasn't much for writing, and the more modern means of communication (emails, etc.) hadn't been invented. We treasured when he did write to us and did what we could to help (care packages, etc).
Early in November we got a phone call from Doug's wife, Ann, who lived near Washington, D. C. with their daughter. Ann was frantic. Doug had been badly wounded and was being air evacuated back to D.C. Realizing Ann needed help, my dad volunteered to go back there. A good friend of the family loaned dad the money and he flew out late that night. Before dad left, we got a phone call from Doug - he had arrived in San Francisco and was being transferred to a flight home. Doug had already talked to Ann. He wanted to let us know how grateful he was for letting dad travel out to help.
It was a very long night. We knew that Doug had been badly wounded in the chest area, but that was it. I was Roman Catholic at the time and prayed-I don't know how many "Hail Marys." By the time we got up the next morning dad was in D.C. and there was more news. They were on their way to the airport to see Doug arrive. He was alive and the doctors were hopeful, but real news would have to wait for the D.C. doctors.
When we got to the shop there was a telegram waiting for us from the U.S. government, telling us that Doug had been wounded. I still have it. Even though I already knew the news, receiving the telegram made it all fresh. I have no idea how I got through school that day.
My dad never forgot the arrival of Doug's plane. First the critically wounded were rushed off to waiting ambulances. Then the stretcher cases that were less crucial (like Doug) were taken off to the hospital. Followed by the wounded who could walk. Dad and Ann got to talk to Doug briefly. Then the body bags started being unloaded, respectfully. A lot of them. I'm pretty sure my dad cried.
Doug did make a full recovery. He even earned the Silver Star for the incident. He used his recovery time to make some major decisions. He entered the Warrant Officer program and eventually retired from the Corps as at Lt. Col.
My dad made it home for Thanksgiving, but the trip put a pall on the entire holiday season. My innocence about the war was gone.
2. My parents separated in September of 1971. My dad had one extra marital fling too many. My mom was done. She eventually filed for divorce. I'll write about it another day, but the fact is that both were to blame. They really were each others True Love.
It was my dad who moved out, so at first I lived with my mom. I had just started college. With all the stress, my mom had what I would call a nervous breakdown. I think she functioned ok at work, but when I got home from school/work, she would talk at me - releasing all her hurt. She told me all about my dads infidelities in great detail. Stuff I didn't want to know. I would have to lock my bedroom door to keep her from coming in to tell me more. For hours at a time. And she wouldn't listen to me asking her to stop.
Eventually I told my dad and he let me live with him. Since he only had a one bedroom place, I slept on the sofa, but it was fine. In fact good. The problem was that his most recent floozy wanted to become permanent. And if she wanted to spend the night, I had to go elsewhere - to my mom's. This was often a last minute thing, so I'd show up at moms unexpectedly. She'd ask why I was there and I'd have to lie to her. Not good. That was probably why I moved out on my own early in 1972.
Anyway, Christmas, 1971. Probably my most surreal Christmas. I spent Christmas Eve with my mom. The two of us pretending that everything was normal. It wasn't, but it was us working our way to our new normal.
Christmas morning my dad picked me up and we had our own Christmas back at his place. I had helped decorate and that felt like my real Christmas. Then I found out that we were having Christmas dinner with his girlfriend, Gayle. And Gayle's two kids. I don't remember the girl's name. She was close to my age. The son, Danny was only 16. But already 6'2" and largely out of control. Very sureal.
3. Probably the worst Christmas was the one that happened a few years later. My parents had divorced. Gayle was entrenched. I think I was attending Bible College by this time. Christmas Eve was with my mom, as it continued to be or many years.
For some reason, Gayle's son Danny and a friend named Dana decided to commit suicide the night of December 23rd. They went up into the local hills, and washed down depressants with alcohol. The near freezing temperatures that night, plus Danny's size saved his life. Dana wasn't so lucky So Christmas Eve day I get a phone call from my dad telling me this. I went to the hospital. Gayle was hysterical. Danny was being kept in a coma while they were slowly warming his body back up. Lots of prayer that Danny wouldn't be brain damaged. The doctors wouldn't let Gayle in to see Danny because they correctly figured out that her hysteria wouldn't help.
After this I had to go to my mom's for Christmas Eve. And pretend that nothing was wrong. Remember, Danny is the son of "the other woman." Hardest Christmas Eve. I brought a roommate with me. It helped.
Christmas Dad was no fun. Mostly I spent it in the hospital waiting room. Gayle was still hysterical. Dad trying to help her. Me praying.
Danny did recover. Through friends of mine he did find his way to becoming a Christian. Unfortunately being Gayle's son was the stronger influence and he ended up staying a not nice person.
I have to go to work, so I have to end this here, but I have one more story to add. It was a combination of best and worst of holiday seasons. I'll try to get it written later today.
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