Freque Factory - Add on

Freque Factory

Add On

  Some recent news events reminded me of this story which happened while I was a freshman in high school.

   In 1967 I was a high school freshman.  Politically I considered myself somewhat educated.  but my parents had kept me away from much of the harsher side of life.  I had learned about racism; the Watts riots had been the summer before.  My parents were honest about the causes.  I listened to the stories.  The shoe repair store down the street had an older black man who helped.  The store owner had the helper stay with him during the riots.  The helper lived in Watts and his family told him not to try to come home.

   But this is about a biker funeral procession I saw when I was a freshman.  As the bell rang, dismissing us to go home, I was blissfully aware of what had happened a few miles away.  A member of a local outlaw motorcycle gang had died (stabbed to death) in a biker bar a few nights before.  In true biker fashion there had been a wake, followed the next afternoon by the funeral service and the procession to the cemetary.

   I have no idea how the procession route was chosen.  But it went right by my high school just after we had been dismissed.  It wasn't a small procession either.  First there was the hearse, followed by the funeral home family limo.  Then there were the motorcycles.  They kept coming.  Rows of them, at least 4 in a row.  And cars full of bikers who were too stoned/drunk to drive.  Looking back on it now, there had to have been over 200 people in that procession.

   What amazed me weren't the motorcycles.  It was the people.  I had never seen people like that.  Almost everyone was dressed in black.  Black leathers.  Lots of heavy make up on the women.  They were like a nightmare.  It was every motorcycle gang stereotype in real life. 
   It was scary.  I had never imagined that people like that actually existed.  Eventually the procession ended and I was able to cross the street and walk home.  No one was home for a few hours, so I had time to process the experience a bit.  I wrote in my journal, "Today I saw my first motorcycle gang funeral.  I hope I never see another one."  I haven't.  I'm ok with that.

   What triggered this memory was a police shooting in my home town.  At 4 in the morning a SWAT task force (gang, Drug Enforcement, local, SWAT) showed up to serve a warrant at a home.  I think 4 a.m. is the preferred time to catch bad guys.  The police got the screen door open when the main door opened and the suspect fired a shot gun.  The bullet hit an officer apparently in the back of his head.  He died the next day.  The suspect, realizing what he had done, immediately put the gun down and "assumed the position."  He's in jail-no bail.  No doubt he's going away for a long time.
     I found out about this from a facebook site devoted to my high school.  The media gave the wrong address at first.  The real one was probably 2 houses down from where I had lived for a while when I was 19 with my UN roommates.  Just down the road (2 long blocks) from my elementary school.  A block and a half from where my parents had their business.  A very residential street.  It was an odd feeling.
    And to make it stranger, the suspect is reported to be a member of the same outlaw motorcycle gang that I had witnessed at the funeral procession.   Sometimes the oddest things bring up memories.
  

Mamma Sandy Says - Alternative Life Styles and Raising Children

Mamma Sandy Says

Alternative Life Styles and Raising Children

      There are lots of definitions of what alternative life styles are. More conservative individuals in America would say that families are only 1 man, 1 woman plus their children.  I view that as unrealistic.  A "normal" American is also just as likely to be a single parent family, or a blended family.  All three have been found consistently in American history.  What?  You've never heard of the widow Martha Custis who married George Washington?  Single mom and blended family.

   Below is a list of examples of what could be called alternative lifestyles.  I'll look at each of them.

A.  Homosexual (gay and lesbian)

B.  Trans

C. Bi

D.  Poly - both religious and otherwise

E.  BDSM and Fetishism

A.  Family units where both partners are of the same gender are becoming more common.  In some areas they are becoming accepted to a larger degree and may even be legal.  That's a big thing.  I am glad that things are getting better here.

   However, we don't live in a perfect world.  Any children from these unions are, unless the world changes more than I think it will, going to have to deal with prejudice.  And, sadly enough, probably from their teachers, coaches, the parents of their friends, etc.  Their peers will, hopefully, not care unless they have been trained to do so.  If you are in this category, you will have to be watching for this.  Be proactive as needed.  Your job will be to raise a tolerant child.  Don't allow them to hate or act out because of your choices.

B.  By Trans, I mean transgender.  These are individuals that do not view themselves as being the gender they were born in to.  There is treatment, including hormones and surgery to help an individual in this situation to become who they really are, but it's expensive and takes a long time.  Because of the time involved, there are references to pre and post operation transgenders.  It's a complex situation that includes time spent with a therapist (required for the surgery).

   There are transgenders with children.  There are trans individuals that are part of blended families.  And it can get stranger.  But how does this effect the kids?  It can cause a sexual identity issues for the kids.  Or it might not.  Not all children of homosexuals become homosexuals themselves.  But parents, like with same gender couples, need to teach their children tolerance and understanding.  Oddly enough, depending on the age of the child, it may have little effect.  If it is not generally known that one of the parents is a trans, some of the problems of same sex couples may not happen.

C.  A family with one or both partners being bisexual may or may not be problematic.  The children will need to understand what bisexuality is.  And to promote tolerance.  However, problems can occur when the bisexual parent decides that they need sexual partners of both genders to be happy.  That family has now gone from almost traditional to being poly..  And that's a whole different set of problems.

D.  By poly, I mean people who have more than one sexual partner at a time.  The technical term is polyamorism.  I thought of 5 different types of poly relationships and I have known people involved in all of them.  Let's look, then I'll talk about some of the problems once children are involved.

   Swingers are people that have sex with individuals that are not their spouse, but there is no involvement.  A one night stand or a series of them falls in this category.  Arranging to share spouses for just one time fits in here.  As does Swinger clubs, having sex with people you met on a dating website, etc.  The key is that there is no long term committment.

   Another option is for short term additional partners away from the home.  I knew of a situation where a wife had a standing arrangement to meet her long time lover every time she crossed the country to visit home.  This particular situation lasted longer than most, but the idea is that these additional sexual situations do not interfere with what happens at home

   A third option is when one partner brings an additional partner home for a limited time.  This opens the door to a big can of worms, especially if there are children in the home.

   I've also know couples who bring in a 3rd person into their home for extended periods.  This is in effect adding a second spouse.  It can become a group marriage is both spouses bring in an extra spouse, or two.  Whee!

   Lastly, there is religiously sponsored polygamy.  It's real, not just on television.  

   Now in my opinion, poly = drama.  All of the above forms of multiple love can work if both partners communicate their wants and needs and are willing to abide by mutually agreed upon rules.  Poly couples that survive usually have veto rights on their partners choices.  I know of a poly couple where the wife chooses her husband's extramarital partners.  She knows what he would like and what she can tolerate.  Go them.  But there have to be clear rules that both follow.  Otherwise, drama.

   In most places, having more than one spouse is illegal.  That is a problem with children.  Starting with custody issues.  And what name goes on paperwork?  Think back to the issues the second and third wives dealt with on the television show "Big House" (worth watching) and you'll get a good idea of what I mean.

   The good news is that many of the poly relationships (especially the short term ones) do not produce children.  Often the children are from the primary couple.  There may be additional children added to the family unit from prior relationships.  So a blended poly family unit.  Whee!

   What I've noticed in religious based polygamy is that there are usually built in cultural solutions for many of the potential problems including children.  Poly family units should consider looking to see if some of those cultural solutions would work for them.

   While it was more popular in hippie days, group marriages still exist today.  It requires a lot of communication, and a group lifestyle.  Back in the hippie days children were shared (like some other cultures) and sometimes only the birth mother's identity was known, due to the sexual partners.

There can be a lot of issues with families that are poly in nature.  First, is the poly nature of the family to be kept secret?  The kids will have to understand that some parts of their home life should not be shared with outsiders, especially with teachers, doctors, coaches, etc.  They will need to let the parents explain.

   What last name will the children have?  Not a problem with the primary couple.  Or for the kids from a prior relationship.  But what about kids from primary dad and second wife?  Gets back to the secrecy thing.

   Who pays what?  Who covers the kids on the insurance?  Who goes to parent teacher conferences?

   But the big question is what happens when the poly relationship breaks up?  It's hard enough when there are no children involved.  Adding children adds several layers to the things that have to be dealt with.  Remember, once you have a child with someone you really are tied to that person for at least 16-18 years-even if you can no longer stand each other.  

Quick notes:

Same sex couples:  a need to teach tolerance and to watch for others being unkind to your kid because of your choices.

Trans:  Might be very few problems for your kids or, based on the continuum,  there might be all sorts of weird stuff that will need to be explained.  At the very least, your children will have to understand more about the nature of sexuality that most of their friends.  And, of course, lots of tolerance.

Bi:  See trans.

Poly:  If you are poly by nature, you will have to think about how you practice it if you are going to have children.  What's more important-your sexual needs or the proper raising of your children?  It's not impossible to have both, but it's going to include more work.  Religious groups that practice polygamy often have cultural safeguards built in to protect the children.

I'm going to have to end this here.  It's late and I have an additional page of notes on BDSM and Fetishism.  That will just have to get written another time.

Freque Factory Chapter 4

Freque Factory 

Chapter 4

   Junior year of high school.  It was strange in so many ways.  For one thing, by then a lot of the people we knew were getting stoned, a lot.  Some every day.  Then when they found themselves unable to cope, they would look for Monique and I.

   Two girls in particular took up a lot of our time at school.  Monique and I would switch off if both showed up on campus stoned on the same day.  Sarah was a junior, like us.  She had gone true hippie and was attempting to spend as many days as possible stoned on LSD.  Luckily for us that particular is not effective continually, so she had some sober days.  Bad trip days were awful.  We both got to be pretty good at "talking her down."  Quick too, which was necessary with half hour lunches and 7 minute passing periods between classes.  During class she was on her own.  But even on good days she had to be watched.  Sarah would see some school administrator down the hall and want to show him how totally awesome the talking flowers were.  Not a good idea.  "Sarah, let's go listen to these flowers over here..."

   The other girl, Martha, was Sarah's friend.  She was this cute, little Freshman.  Amazing personal baggage.  Her dad was a major anti-Vietnam war organizer.  My government teacher referred to him by name as a "commie agitator" in class one day.  Her older brother was a major local drug dealer.  Martha had a 25 year old boyfriend.  The fact that he was deaf merely made that relationship stranger.  Martha loved the drug we called speed.  Methamphetamine in any form was what she craved.  It kept her thin and gave her energy.  And she could talk at amazing speeds when she was high with it.  She would want to tell the entire lunchroom how to fight the imperialist forces of corporate Amerika.  I don't think she really understood what she was saying-mostly she was just parroting her father and boyfriend.

   Although we despised the Vietnam War, neither Monique or I got involved with much of the anti-war stuff.  To much Martha.  And in my case I had a brother in the Marine Corps who did several tours of duty over there.

   Brian and Monique was still a couple, mostly.  Monique had the really foolish idea that Freddie and I should start dating.  I think she thought it would be cute to double date.  Freddie was ok with the idea, but I told Monique that I would rather date a rattlesnake-it would be safer.  Luckily for me, he didn't hold it against me.

   Monique and Brian were having problems.  Brian was still working for Freddie's dad.  But they had also gotten into some high end drug dealing.  It paid for Brian's drug habit.  And his habit was getting worse.  Monique didn't have the patience to deal with a drugged out Brian.

   The young men were still flocking around Monique.  At her parent's request she began dating some of them.  Mostly they were guys from her church.  she even went to Prom with this sweet 280 pound football player.  Talk about physical yin and yang!  He hung around for about 2 years, hoping she would take him seriously.  Monique would go out with him occasionally, but it was hopeless for that football player.  I stayed single.  I was still the good friend that the guys all talked to but think to date.

   Our loopy friend Joanne had finally settled down to one guy.  Unfortunately that guy was James.  He was never good looking and his morals were questionable.  Survival without the help of his family made him prone to use people.  But Joanne saw something in him that the rest of us didn't.  And it just wasn't the (crappy) drugs that he  sold.  They slept together, did drugs together-in fact, did about everything together except try to commit suicide together.  Joanne did not tolerate that.  In the first year they dated he tried to commit suicide 3 times.

   Jame's suicide attempts had nothing to do with Joanne.  It was always an attempt to connect with his birth family.  Most of his attempts were in the parking lot of the hospital where his mom worked, or some other place where he knew he would be found in time.  It was a real mess.  His birth family was abusive all sorts of ways and James got into a lot of behaviors he shouldn't have just to support himself and to try to get their attention.  He was rather sleazy at times.  I don't remember why, but he was one of the few people who Monique's mom barred from the house.

   The drama continued.  Julie and Elias, our Romeo and Juliet were having real problems with their relationship.  Not only was her family still upset that she was even dating him, the two of them were now using various drugs and it was causing him problems with his job.

   But the biggest drama of all was what happened within Monique's family.  Her parents had taken in foster kids for years before she was born.  Then suddenly, later in their lives, Monique was born.  Her parents decided to take in (and adopt) one last set of kids-a brother and sister who's drug using mother was going to be in prison for many years.  It was never a secret that Mike and Mary were adopted.  Nor was it a secret that they were Hispanic. 

    Mike was not the brightest bulb on the tree.  During our junior year he turned 13 and started getting into trouble.  He wasn't doing very well in school and was hanging out with some trouble making kids.  Who were white, mostly.  Mike and Mary both had always been treated just like they were Monique's natural daughter, in fact, I forgot half the time they were Hispanic.

   But then, one day Mike came home from school, all upset, asking if it were true that he was adopted?  His parents response was, "Well, yes.  We thought you knew."  Mike was all kinds of upset and his grades and behavior got worse.

   Mike was starting to come to terms with his situation when life dealt him a life changing blow.  His and Mary's birth mother had gotten out of jail, and despite the adoption rules (not informing where kids now are), had found out where her babies were.  Mike's response was, "You mean I'm Mexican?"  Well, Mexican American, but yeah.

   It turned out that momma had ties to the local Hispanic gangs and before we knew it Mike had become Miguel and was joining the local gang.  Monique and I, at her parents request would go to the local barrio and drag Mike back home about once a week.  He had stopped all pretense of going to school.  Finally Monique's parents gave up.  They petitioned the courts to take Mike back, claiming they could no longer control him.  And it was true.  We had hoped that Mary would be ok, but soon after Mike turned gang banger she changed as well.  No longer did she talk about going to college to become a nurse.  Now her big goal was to become a welfare mother.  She was successful.  Monique's parents had to give her up too.

   It was during our Junior year that Monique and I began to talk about sex and drugs.  So many people in our circle were doing both.  At that point, neither of us was ready to be involved with either.  But we agreed that is was probably only a matter of time.

Mamma Sandy Says - Drugs (Including Alcohol) & Teens

Mamma Sandy Says

Drugs (Including Alcohol) & Teens

   The teenage years are a time of experimenting-of testing.  This is especially true regarding sex, drugs, and alcohol.  Society tells them that all of those are bad, unless they are old enough, and use is within societal limits.  Teens tend to live in packs of friends.  Those packs, as well as much media, will question those limits.

   School, church, youth groups, etc. will all tell your teen to avoid sex and drugs.  And for some teens, that will be enough.  But the reality is that what you say and the wxample ou give of your live will effect their choices on this the most.

  That said, if you have a personal problem with drugs or alcohol, get help.  Statistics show that adult children of alcoholics turn out to be either total non alcohol users (and sometimes rather vocal about it) or alcoholics themselves.  Hard to find a happy medium.  It's hard to teach what you aren't living yourself.

Let's take a practical look at what's out there.  First let's look at drugs:

   Marijuana is the most common, almost legal drug out there.  There have been questions and concerns about it's use as long as I've been alive.  It is not usually, as was believed, "The next step to heroin addiction."  But it's not harmless either.

  If you are a marijuana user yourself, make sure you set limits on your personal use.  Help your children to understand that there is a difference between medical use and recreational use of this drug.  If your children are around, there should not be recreational use going on.  Marijuana is still illegal according to federal law.  And exposing minors to marijuana and marijuana smoke is considered child endangerment.

   What if your child or teen is sick with one of the diseases that marijuana can help?  That's going to be up to you, the child, and the child's doctors.  Good luck.

   If you are not a marijuana user, make sure your children, especially your teens, know the difference between medical and recreational use of marijuana.  Yes, I am aware that there is quite a bit of fraud in the medical marijuana industry.  Your teens will know that too.  Be real about it.  Recreational use of marijuana for minors is illegal for good reasons.  As with alcohol they do not have the experience to properly behave under it.

  One of the deciding factors in marijuana use in teens should be the fact that it is still a felony under federal law.  If the law changes, then they can rethink their stand.

   Prescription drugs should not be used for recreational use!!!  Not by teens and not by adults either.  There are sound medical reasons why these drugs are only given out by prescription.  Two of the biggest reasons are drug interactions and side effects.  No two people respond to the same drug the same way.  It has to do with body chemistry and highth/weight ratio.  A 200 pound person will have a different response to a drug than a person half the size-especially with the same dosage.  And remember that thing about how some allergy meds only work on certain people?  That's the whole body chemistry thing.

   When doctors prescribe drugs, they have the ability to look up side effects, potential drug interactions (with what you are already taking), and to figure out correct dosage based on you.  A random pill taken from someone else's prescription does not have that safeguard.  And I haven't even gotten into the dangers of consuming drugs from non-pharmacy sources.  Unless you know where that drug was made and trust its manufacturer-don't take it!

   As a parent, your examples are important.  So don't take drugs from others.  If you have pain, go see your doctor and get your own drugs!

   Note:  If your child or teen is on medications for ADHD, remind them NOT to share this med with others.  Also, some prescription drugs are addictive either physically or psychologically.

   Psychedelic type drugs are just not a good idea for teens.  I'm talking about LSD, magic mushrooms, PCP, any of the mind altering drugs.  If you are native American and want to consume peyote as part of a religious experience under the guidance of a shaman, that's one thing.  But most psychedelic drug use is experimental and/or recreational.  It is potentially dangerous to someone with un-triggered mental disorders.  It can worsen already existing mental disorders.  And almost all of them are illegal.  And to top it off, manufacture is questionable.  I once knew a man who sold what was supposed to be pure LSD.  There was some LSD in the substance.  But mostly it was PCP and a lot of people had bad trips and were looking for him afterwards.  Just no.

The bad guys of the drug world are really bad.  I'm talking about the heroin family (opium in all it's forms),  the cocaine family, the meth family (speed, crack, etc.), and the PCP family (including special K).  Many of these are highly addictive-physically as well as psychological.  Just talk to a recovering junkie some day.  Addicts do not generally have good lives and often die young.  They have no loyalty except to the drug and their need for it.

   Be honest with your teens about these drugs (and all of them actually).  Denial is not a good thing here.  It's ok to tell them stories about  people you have known who have been drug users.  Some people can make it out.  Some won't.  And they will have their own stories of people they knew who got caught up in drug use.  Your goal is to make sure it's not them.

A final note on drugs.  If you suspect your teen's friends are using drugs and/or alcohol, it's likely your teen is as well.  Be gentle in how you approach this.  But approach it you must.  They might need more help than you can give.  And they just might need encouragement in finding new (and sober) friends.

   Alcohol use by teens is a tricky topic.  The easy rule is that here in America no one can be served, or buy (or consume) alcohol until they are 21 years old.  However, there are cultural variants.  In many families it is considered normal for teens to have wine with certain meals.  Consumption of a limited amount of alcohol may be part of a religious rite.  And then there is the reality that most American teens do not wait until they are 21 to start drinking alcohol.

   Things are done differently in parts of Europe.  Young adults are able to drink beer and wine starting at 16 years of age.  Hard alcohol is postponed until 21 years old.  Driving a car and getting a license is also postponed until 21.  And the young adults are taught proper alcohol drinking etiquette.  That may be a better system.

   Again, your example is crucial.  My father was a WWII veteran, and when I was young he and mom would get together with other vet families.  There was sometimes a lot of heavy drinking.  That was almost a norm for the time.  Yet it was controlled.  The kids were always safe and kept away from the heavy drinking.  They didn't do it every day.  Or every weekend.  I know of only 2 alcoholics who came from that group of friends, and both of them had pre-existing psychological baggage.

   What I learned was there are times when it's ok to drink, but most of the time, it's not.  If alcohol is taking over your life, get help and quit.

  My parents were really very cleaver sometimes.  When I was small, if I asked I was allowed a small sip, or a very, very watered down 1/3 shot glass of what they were drinking.  The trick to this is to make sure that it's not a sweet drink.  I remember sips of martinis and bitter beers.  That was enough to convince me that my parents were a bit crazy to like that stuff.  I still don't like martinis or bitter beers.

   Note:  If you are at a party where there is spiked and unspiked drinks, keep a close eye on your children.  It is easy for them to get confused.  Then you get to deal with a sick and drunk child.

   Generally I don't think teens should be drinking.  Certainly not with their friends.  Most teens are not experienced enough to drink responsibly.  And you, as the parent, are responsible to keep your kids safe.

   If there is alcohol in your home, keep track of it.  During their teen years using a marker to keep track of alcohol levels in bottles is not a bad idea.  Remember, they or their friends can be sneaky.  They may add water to hide usage.

   Note:  along these lines, keep track of prescription drugs as well.  Especially anti-depressants, anti-anxiety drugs, pain killers, diet pills, etc.  And don't forget cough medicine.  I call this protecting your children by keeping them honest-limiting temptation.

Now that I've talked about the bad stuff, I want to mention habits that teens should develop.

  Teens should be taking a daily multi vitamin.  Their eating habits, combined with their rapid growth during this period means they really should make sure they are getting the vitamins and minerals they need.

   If there are any doctor prescribed medications they should be taking them on time and with the right dosage.  They are old enough to be doing this.  Remind them as needed.  Prescription medications can include birth control pills, which can be prescribed for other reasons.  So don't freak out about it.

   Your teens should be able to let you know when their prescription medications need to be refilled.  And not just as they are taking the last ones!  They need to learn to let you know several days in advance.

Lastly, teach your children, especially your teens that mind altering substances are not necessary to have a good time.

Freque Factory, Chapter 3

Freque Factory

Chapter 3

   Our group of friends expanded in our sophomore year of high school.  Monique found Joanne.  She was a year older.  She seemed odd, but cool.  Her dad was a local lawyer-a little crooked, but successful.  Her mom was a strange mousy woman.  Her older brother was a lot like the dad and while I knew the family was dealing drugs.  Joanne occasionally used drugs, mostly marijuana.  It seemed that more and more of our circle was using pot, downers, and diet pills (uppers).  They were considered to be "lighter" drugs.  Susan, not surprisingly, was especially into diet pills.  Monique and I just weren't interested in experimenting with drugs.

   Time to talk about Brian.  He was Monique's first love.  He was as charming as his Irish ancestors and had the lightest fingers in town-when sober.  And Brian loved his depressants.  For Monique Brian was a real project.  How to reform a drug using thief?

   Monique had her work cut out for her.  Brian was a senior, but probably wouldn't graduate with his class.  In fact, he soon was transferred to our local continuation high school.  His mother had remarried some years back and he was now the unwanted "other" son.  His step-father was unloving and unkind.  Knowing what I know now, I would have considered reporting his for verbal and possibly physical abuse.  His mother loved Brian, but she was unable to help him.  Brian sometimes talked about his home life and I didn't believe him at first.  Then I visited his home with Monique.  Every time we visited, there was that lack of love and underlying dismissal.  It was sad.

   So Brian stole things.  Mostly it was small electronics that he then sold.  Before he met Monique his profits paid for luxuries and for drugs.  But Brian really loved Monique.  There was no doubt about that.  He tried to buy her presents, but when she found out the source of the money, she refused them.  She even managed to convince him to steal less.

   Monique was never able to get Brien to stop stealing altogether because Brian had another love-a mistress with a stronger hold-drugs.  Brian's drug of choice was depressants-any kind.  There was one fatal flaw with his drug of choice.  When sober, Brian could steal almost anything and not get caught-he was that talented.  But when he was stoned, his nimble fingers weren't, and he started to get a juvenile record.

  Monique liked to think that she was the one who stopped Brian's shoplifting career.  I'm a bit more realistic.  After he was arrested a few times his step dad "washed his hands" of responsibility of Brian.  So Brian went to Juvenile Hall.  Not fun at all!  And he would be 18 soon.  Arrests then would mean real prison!

  In any event, by the end of our sophomore year Monique and Brian were a solid couple and he had mostly stopped stealing.  With his family situation (and drug use), Brian still needed money, so he turned to different jobs.  Mostly illegal.  He kept that fact from Monique (and I) as long as he could.  Brian did not graduate high school.  With his new jobs he was out nights and wasn't able to make it to class, even at the continuation high school.  But he was usually up and moving in time to pick up Monique from school.

   Brian's new jobs came from a childhood friend named Friedrich.  His nickname was Fast Freddie.  I heard several explanations for the name.  It was either in reference to his quickness in gaining a dollar-or to his sexual habits.  Freddie's dad had made a fortune quickly in construction.  So dad had moved the family to Beverly Hills.  Freddie didn't make many friends out there and maintained his old, childhood friendships.

   Freddie's dad hired Brian and some of his friends.  We found out later that often the "jobs" involved damaging the equipment of dad's business rivals.  Freddie had learned to act respectable, but inside he was just plain evil.  It took Monique many years to figure that out.

   One of Brian's friends (and part of dad's crew) was Bart.  He looked familiar the first time I met him.  Eventually I heard his last name and the pieces began to come together.  Many years prior my dad had a good friend who was a local police officer.  That man found out that his wife was having an affair.  The officer's solution was to kill himself.  It was quite shocking.  When the dust settled, the wife and kids moved out of town.  Bart was one of the sons.  We had played together as children.  Now Bart was a six foot,  overweight sleazeball.  He was the guy who had gotten Betty pregnant.  Did I like him?  No!  Did I trust him?  Not even a little bit.  His younger brother, I found out later, turned out ok.

   Along the way, Monique took in some strays into our social circle.  Elias and Julie were a year older, friends of Joanne.  They were very much in love.  Her parents had money.  He was a mechanic with no social pretensions.  Talk about Romeo and Juliet!

   Jim was definitely a stray.  I'll write more about him later.  His family didn't want him and sometimes crashing on Mrs. B's couch was the best option for him.  Didn't happen often though, since Jim was sometimes a sleaze.  

   The summer between our sophomore and Junior years  Monique, Joanne, and I went to Hawaii with our senior Girl Scout Troop.  It was 2 weeks of camping on 3 islands and 5 days in a hotel in Honolulu.  Twenty-four girls, 10 chaperones, and the leader's son ( who was our age).  Despite the chaperones it was a good trip.  Joanne was turning out to be a real loon.  Almost no sense of morals or common sense. Or timing.  We lost track of how many times we kept her out of trouble.

   Of course, she wasn't the only one trying to not get caught.  Hawaii was beautiful and the local boys were friendly.  So much so that we have several that followed us from island to island.  Even our leader's daughter got in trouble for spending time "with the local boys."  It was nice to have some of the others be in trouble for a change.

   After we got back it was time to get ready for out Junior year of high school. I had no idea how our lives could get any more interesting.  Boy, was I wrong!

Freque Factory, Chapter 2

Freque Factory

Chapter 2

     I was not Monique's only female friend, of course.  She stayed loyal to her friends for years.  Once we got to high school I met her friends from elementary school.  There were 3 that stood out, Susan, Betty, and Cherie.  Susan and Betty were in our circle of friends for years.

     Susan was short, about Monique's size with average looks.  I don't know if I ever saw her natural hair color.  She died it blonde the years I knew her.  Susan fought a continual battle with the scale.  She always drank died coke.  And very, very slowly.  I think the most epic was when she started her soda as she left on a trip to Las Vegas.  She finally took the last sip as they were pulling into the hotel parking lot in Vegas.

   Her parents divorced when she was pretty young.  Since her dad traveled a lot for work, she lived with her mom.  As part of the divorce, Susan's mom got ownership of her own bar.  I don't know what she was like when she was younger, but I experienced Susan's mom as a tough, hard working woman who cared a lot about her family.  Unfortunately, the hours she had to keep as a bar owner meant she wasn't home afternoons and evenings most of the time.

  I think Susan's dad worked in the oil industry.  He always seemed to have a lot of money.  When he was in town he'd visit and buy her affection with that money.  I always thought that her need of male approval came from her dad.  She would dress in ways that would have gotten me grounded. She attracted all sorts of male attention.  It was sad.  She always appeared rather busty.  It turned out she  augmented the limited what little she had.  That fact came out when one young man tried to grab her breast and came away with a handful of Kleenex.  Susan lived that down, but she always had a reputation of being "easy."

    Betty was Susan's best friend.  You almost saw the one without the other.  Betty was very shy and beautiful in a petite way.  She was almost the ideal of a hippie, slender with long brown hair.  She had beautiful brown eyes that almost always seemed sad, except when when she was planning mischief.  Betty was deep.  It was hard to really get to know her.  Sometimes I think Susan was the only one who did.  I never knew much about Betty's family.  They were sort of non-entities.    Susan and Betty discovered so much together.  In their freshman year of high school it was drugs and sex.

   Betty had the misfortune to get involved with Bart, who would intersect with our lives many times later.  He was a tall, heavyset high school senior.  It boggled our innocent imaginations to figure out how he and Betty could have had sex.  But they did.  Betty vanished for about 3 months of our freshman year.  Officially she had gone to help a sick aunt.  Betty swore us to secrecy.  In reality, she had gone to Mexico for an abortion and then spent some time recovering from the effects.  I'm not sure she was ever the same after.

   The third friend I got to know was Cherie.  I thought I was overweight, but she really was.  Despite that, she insisted on wearing the latest fashions.  On Monique or Betty a super tight, short skirt with fish net stockings looked cute.  On Cherie it looked overblown and trashy, in my opinion.  I had gym class with Cherie that year and found her to be sweet and sensible.  She was comfortable with her own size.  She taught me a lot.  Unfortunately, her family moved out of the area that summer and we only saw her when she'd come to visit family still in the area.

   Although I found them to be interesting people, I tended to keep my distance from Susan and Betty.  My family was middle class and my prejudice was showing.  I knew my parents wouldn't approve of either of them.  Monique didn't care.  She stayed friends with them, though she did keep away from the sex and drugs.  Me too.

   One of the big things in our lives was the music.  Our freshman year was when underground FM radio stations were playing music we had never heard of before.  We found out about the San Francisco brand of rock and roll well before the Monterey Pop Festival exposed the world to it.  Monique and I would listen, then go to our local record stores to find albums by bands like Jefferson Airplane, Big Brother and the Holding Company, etc.  Monique became a huge fan of Janis Joplin.  She even mostly gave up her love of Cher for Janis.

   Betty and Susan took their love of this new music a step further.  Even though they were only high school freshmen, they were getting rides into Hollywood and getting into the hot new clubs.  And getting backstage.  I remember talking to Betty during lunch and she told me about this one group she had spent the weekend with.  The lead singer was treating them like sex slaves.  Horribly degrading.  I had liked that band up to that point.  Never bought another recording by them again.

   Also during our freshman year, Monique met Brian.  He was a couple of years older than us.  I'll be talking more about him later.  He turned out to be Monique's first love.