Momma Sandy Says - Ethics, Morals, and Spirituality, Part 1

Momma Sandy Says

Ethics, Morals, and Spirituality

Part 1

   

   This may be one of the most important of the child raising blogs I write.  I'm going to take some time and talk about character development.  In other words, the ethical, moral, and spiritual background of your child.

   When a child is about to be born it's logical to think about what the child will be like.  Genetics can play a large role, especially in the physical attributes.  Genetics can give you an idea how tall, what color hair or eyes, etc.  Even a guess as to intelligence level or potential limitations.  But genetics is not an exact science.  There are other factors that can effect a developing fetus.

   All that's interesting to think about.  But what about your child's character?  What kind of person do you want him or her to be when they grow up?  That has a lot to do with their character, their ethical, moral, and spiritual values.

   How does all that happen?  I will tell you, that despite all the stuff they try to do at schools, the core character of a child if formed in the first 8 years of life.  The school stuff is there to try to fix what wasn't set in place before.  Preschools may or may not teach positive character, but the real place where kids learn this stuff is at home.  There's a reason why so many cultures have the custom of elders teaching the children.  Not just how to do stuff, but also to teach them how to be good citizens of their culture.

  I'm writing from the United States, so I'm writing from that point of view.  What do we want our child to be like, character wise?

Do we want him (or her) to be honest?  Do we also want them to also know when a small lie keeps a friends feeling from being hurt?

Do we want them to avoid stealing?

How about murder?  And do we teach them that protecting loved ones is a priority?  Do we teach them the difference between violence due to anger, violence to protect, and violence for fun?  Do we teach them that being a bully is wrong?

Do we teach them that helping others is a good thing to do?  And do we teach them the balance of when to help and when not?  

Do we teach them to fear?  Or do we teach them the balance between bravery and reasonable fear?

The list here can probably go on for days.  There are so many things to think about. What do I want to teach my kid about life and how to be an adult, a responsible citizen?

This may seem a bit harsh, but you may have to clean up your act a bit.  Now.  Don't want your kids to use recreational drugs?  Then get the help you need to stop using them yourself.  The "do as I say and not as I do" doesn't work.  As your children get older they will either use drugs themselves, or reject you for your hypocrisy.  One individual I know became an alcoholic before he/she was out of junior high.  He would come home to find his parent(s) drinking and wanting him/her to join them.  That individual had to leave home to have a reasonable adult life.  And is still dealing with the repercussions.

   One of the most common things that happens is when a child starts to talk.  Those cute little mimics say everything we do - including our inappropriate language.  As a parent I deliberately limited my use of swear words, especially around my kids.  I wasn't perfect, but they knew that it had to be pretty important for me to swear.  To further remind them of the lesson of proper language, I would apologie to them if I did slip us.

   So first off, look at your own habits and start to curb (and get help if you need it) the ones you don't want your kids to copy.  Encourage yourself in habits that you want them to follow.  Want your kids to be able to relate to people well?  Model it.  And when they're old enough, explain how you do it.

Enough for tonight.  Step one:  Figure out what you want your kid to be like as a person.  Step 2:  Fix the stuff in your own life that would keep them from learning that. Step 3:  Model the positive attributes you want them to learn.