Family Stories - Jack and Joan's First Child

Family Stories

Jack and Joan's First Child

   I debated telling this story, but in the end decided to do so, because like so many of  the stories, if I don't, the stories will be lost.  It's not a story for the squemish.

   Jack and Joan got married in September of 1949.  They started trying to have a family fairly soon.  Joan did in fact get pregnant.  Her friends were thrilled.  It was a normal pregnancy until about mid way through her 8th month.  Suddenly, her active child stopped moving.  Joan tended to be sensitive.  All of a sudden she knew something was wrong with her baby.

   The next day Joan went to her doctor who treated her like she had a case of nerves.  The doctor didn't even examine her.  Back then there weren't the modern examination tools that are available today.  No ultrasound, etc.

  Despite what the doctor said, Joan knew something was wrong.  By the end second day she started feeling ill.  Afraid that the doctor would just say it was psychosomatic she told Jack, but didn't go back to the doctor.  The 4th day she was too sick to go to work.  Her body felt like there was a dead weight in her stomach.  Jack took her to the doctor.

   Jack was prepared to do battle with the doctor to get him to take Joan's illness seriously.  He was always most protective of his family.  This time he didn't need to be.  The doctor took one look at Joan's too pale face and knew there was a problem.  He put his stethoscope to her swollen belly to check the baby's heartbeat.  And turned pale himself.  There was no heartbeat.

   Joan was rushed to the hospital where labor was induced.  A c-section was not deemed necessary and was, during those days, risky for both.  Eventually the child was born, dead.  The cord had wrapped around the baby's neck, strangling it.  Joan was right.  And since the child had been dead inside her for 5 days, it had become gangrenous.  Joan was sick for a month. Seriously ill at first, she was slow to recover her strength.

   When the baby was delivered Joan did not want to know the gender.  She never did.  She was too sick to go when the baby was delivered.  Jack's dad arranged it and was there with Jack that day.  I'm pretty sure my dad knew the gender, but in respect to my mom, never said.  I've always felt that it was a boy, who would have been named Greg.

   In her grief and illness Joan took comfort in something her sister Alice said.  Alice told her that the unborn child was an angel who would keep watch over their family from then on.  Comforted, Joan began to heal.  And all her life she believed that there was a guardian angel watching over her and her family.

Due to her illness Joan was not able to attend church for several months.  And in support, Jack hadn't either.  Since they were Roman Catholic, that was a serious offense, requiring a trip to Confession.  So they dutifully went.  Joan went in the confessional first to face the priest.  Unfortunately, she got a priest who was rigid and unsympathetic.  He was rude and confrontational.  Joan ran out of the confessional, crying.  Jack rushed in, furious, trying to find out what had happened.  The priest yelled at my father too.  Personally I'm amazed that my dad didn't punch the priest, but he needed to take care of my mom.

   I'm pretty sure my dad complained to the local parish head, but that priest stayed in their church.  So they stopped attending.  They still went to mass, but not every Sunday.  Mostly just on the most required dates like Christmas, Ash Wednesday, Easter, etc.  Eventually both were reconciled to the church, but it took many years.  Emotional wounding by church leaders is some of the worst.

Joan's new doctor (they wisely got rid of the other doctor) recommended that they wait a while before trying again to have another child. And that's a story for next week.