Mamma SandySays - School-When and how to interfere

Mama Sandy Says

School - When and How to Interfere

   I had wanted to to write about discipline today, but real life meant I get to postpone that topic for a week.  So instead I want to write a bit more about dealing with the school system.  When should you, as a parent interfere.

   At some point, if your child is attending school (public or private) they will start to complain.  You need to listen.  Listen to what they're not saying as well.  It could be as simple as them forgetting their lunch money that day.  Or it could be something much more serious.  And more than just listening, you need to understand your own child.

   There are so many potential pitfalls in school for a child.  Some they need to work out themselves (with some parental support and advice).  Some they will need help with.   And sometimes our kids need us to go to bat for them, because the problem is too big for them to handle.  Let's look at some of the major topics.

   Problems with friendships:  Mostly these can get worked out without parental intervention.  You need to be aware of who your child is being friends with.  Hopefully you've met the other parents at Back to School Night, at sports, etc., so you have some idea of the other child's background.  If your child does not have any friends you should be checking on that.  A change in schools may be in order.  Advise is good, but mostly let the kids work things out themselves.

   Bullying:  Kids need to know what bullying is and how they should handle it.  Telling the teacher may not be a safe option for them.  They can, and should tell you.  Collect concrete evidence of the bullying (hopefully not just your child).  Make an appointment and talk to the teacher about it.  The teacher may be unaware.  With concrete evidence the teacher can do something.  Hopefully the situation will improve.  If the teacher, however, does not believe you, or downplays the events, then you have some decisions to make.  Include your child in the decision making process.  You may include the parents of other victims.  It may mean going to the principal.  Bullying is wrong in so many ways.  If your child cannot handle it on his own, then you as a parent must step in.

   Discipline problems at school:  If there are discipline problems at home as well, then you have some patterns that might need the help of professionals to deal with.  The school might be a good resource.  However, if your child is fine at home, but constantly in trouble at school, something is going on.  If your child is telling you that the teacher is always picking on him or her, don't discount them.  I had a 4th grade teacher that chose students to pick on.  No valid reason.  But, if your child's stories aren't adding up, then they could be shifting facts to keep out of trouble.  These are big red flags.  why is my kid acting out?  It could be something simple,but it might be a signal of other problems.  A conference with the teacher wouldn't hurt and might even help.  Little Johnny just might not be the angel he pretends to be.  And the teacher will be very grateful for your help.

   Changes in behavior:  This is a big one.  It might signify nothing.  Or it could mean your child is dealing with abuse, drug and/or alcohol use, early onset of mental health issues, or even stuff like anorexia.  Hopefully you have good communication with your child so you can rule out the major stuff.  If it does turn out to be something serious, do something about it!  Tell the school.  They have access to help you might not.  And, depending on the problem, other students might be involved as well.  Don't think that sending your child to a private, religious school will keep them from problems either.  Sometimes I think private schools are better at hiding problems.  I remember when I found out that there was a drug problem with some of the kids in a church we attended.  My kids knew about it, but stayed away from it all, since most involved were older.  It turned out the main pusher was a pastor's son!  They all got the help they needed, but still..

   Academic problems:  I have a pet peeve about schools that only have a few solutions to student's academic problems.  Sometimes holding a student back a year is not the solution to the problem.  As in the case of my son, there were underlying issues that needed to be addressed.  He was undiagnosed ADHD, distract-ability.  Once he got all that sorted out, his academic performance eventually straightened itself out.  That same child just took the LSAT1  Public schools may have to be forced to examine for potential problems.  But they tend to be quick to decide the student is ADHD and want you to medicate them immediately.  Some students need the medication to function in a school setting (I can testify to that as a teacher).  Some may just need the meds for a short period of time.  And some are misdiagnosed and shouldn't be on the meds at all!  Sorry, another pet peeve.

   The short version is that if your child is having academic problems, ask your child why?  Ask the teacher.  If it's not making sense, get a second opinion.  Your medical doctor should be able to recommend a good child psychologist or education evaluator.  Your child needs help, get it!

There are a bunch more topics,bu that's all I have time and energy for tonight.  ask me in the comments section if there are any you'd specifically like my opinion about.