Family Stories
The Courtship of Jack and Joan
It really is true that Jack and Joan met on the bus. They were both going to jobs in Downtown Los Angeles. She to Burroughs and he to the big printing firm of Swabacher Fry. Joan saw a very good looking young man with amazing blue eyes. He saw a cute girl.
But very quickly Jack realized that Joan was also shy. So he kept his interest on a friendship level only and moved very slowly. And to his amazement he found that Joan was intelligent and had a great sense of humor. She was also willing to be more adventurous. It was clear that Joan's upbringing had been pretty sheltered.
It's funny how people like to encourage romance. Before a few weeks had passed, the other riders on the buss were leaving a seat open for the young couple. Jack didn't even ask Joan out until they had known each other over a month. Joan said yes, but had to cancel at the last minute because she unexpectedly had to work late. The second time he asked her out she had to cancel at the last minute again, this time due to a crisis in the family. Something about helping the sister she lived with.
Both were good excuses, but Jack did not like being stood up. He was beginning to really like Joan, so he decided to give her one more chance. But if she cancelled again, he was done with her. Luckily Joan was able to go on that date. It wasn't much as first dates go. I think it was dinner and a movie. I don't think he even kissed her goodnight. But they both had a really good time. They talked the whole time - about everything.
In Joan, Jack found a woman who complimented him. She was easily as smart as he was, with a mind willing to look at possibilities. In Jack, Joan found a caring and intelligent man who treated her like she was wonderful, smart, and sexy. A first for her. but their relationship started off with friendship.
As soon as Joan was comfortable with it, Jack started introducing her to his friends. She had never met people like them before. She wasn't completely naive, she had been around her brother's friends, which included professional musicians and other vets. But it had always been in the role of protected younger sister. These were people she probably wouldn't have spent much time with socially in the rigid roles of her mother's thinking. There was Jerry, the big guy who did construction with his dad. Jerry's girl (and later his wife) was clearly a bottle blonde. And very open with her language and displays of affection. Yet Joanne became a strong allay of Joan's. It was very confusing. Yet also very liberating. Joan decided to roll with it and see what these people were really like.
One of my favorite stories of that period happened when Jack wanted to take Joan to the beach with his friends. She was willing to go, but wouldn't wear a swim suit or go into the water. Not for morality reasons-Joan knew she would sun burn badly if she did. Remember, this was in the days before reliable sunscreen. Having grown up in Southern California as most of the group did, he hadn't thought of that. He asked his dad, Harry Jr. if Hollywood had anything that could help? The studios didn't use anything like that, but Harry talked to his pharmacist. Back then, a pharmacist could create his own medicines and sell them. This pharmacist thought this was a good challenge and created a thick cream for mom to use. It worked. I hope the pharmacist patented his idea and made a fortune on it.
And so Joan got to know the women of the group. In a way, they became a support group for each other. As the men were dealing with the stress of returning to life after the War, the women helped each other deal with the men. It was such a big help to realize that she wasn't alone. That all of them were dealing with some of the same issues and behaviors.
And then Joan got to meet Jack's family. Lucille never liked Joan, especially when she realized that Jack was serious about Joan. Lucille had some serious guilt issues about having abandoned her son in his childhood. She didn't want any woman taking her son away from her. Lucille's husband, Bill, thought Joan was wonderful. He was a hick, but a great guy. He especially warmed to Joan when he found out that she had started life on a farm in upstate New York. She hadn't been a city girl all her life!
Lidon and Daddy Knabb were pages out of an old book. They had a parlor! Mom only remembers going in there once in all the years she knew them. Hopelessly old fashioned and emotionally rigid, Joan did her best and dusted off her best manners. She got grudging approval. Joan wasn't sure what to think about Harry and Emma, Jack's dad and step-mom. Harry was an interesting man, but very formal. Emma still didn't like Jack. All very odd and not at all like her family.
But then Jack got to meet her family. Sister Alice Jack liked. Murray he thought was an ass. Ralph and Bette were a lot of fun. Ralph was an odd ball, but then he was a musician studying to be a doctor. He met Louise eventually. Her husband, Paul, had wisely moved her up to Bakersfield. Jack always kept Louise from bullying Joan. Jack felt sorry for Paul and helped him whenever he could.
Jack liked Vincent, Joan's dad. It was clear that Vincent was sick. But he had been a strong man with strong opinions and he liked Jack too. It was Ruth that Jack wasn't sure what to do about. The woman was a tyrant, bu she loved her husband and took good care of him. In the end he decided that Ruth loved her family, but she was such a hurricane of a person! Like with Louise, Jack became Joan's protector from her mom.
Family visits over, the two became more serious. Their families hadn't scared the other off. His friends hadn't scared Joan off. In fact, she had become a welcome part of the group. Her innate goodness and caring was well loved. As well as her wicked sense of humor! Jack was convinced that he had found "The One."
For Joan it was a longer process. But she came to the point when she realized that her friendship with Jack had to change if it was going to continue. She realized that if she wasn't willing to take the next step, he would be out of her life. And then the life changing realization that she didn't want her life to continue without Jack in it.
Jack's plans for the future were changing. He was almost done with his time with the big LA printing plant. He was convinced that he really did want to open his own small shop. And he wanted Joan there with him, handling his bookkeeping, helping with the customers, etc Joan wanted that too. So Jack began taking jobs with other printing plants, learning all he could about running a shop. Sometimes he'd be there 6 months, sometimes less. Joan's family became concerned that Joan was dating a man who couldn't keep a job. But Joan knew Jack's plans.
Jack tried to ask Vincent for permission to ask for Joan's hand in marriage. But every time he tried, Ruth would show up and interrupt. Finally he gave up. Joan understood. I don't think he ever did formally ask her to marry him. No great romantic scene. But they were in such agreement about their plans she didn't mind.
Eventually they started talking about a date to get married. But first, Joan had to take classes. Jack, like Alice was a Roman Catholic convert. Both had already taken the classes necessary to join the church and take the sacraments. Joan had started going to the Catholic church when she moved in with Alice, but she hadn't gotten around to the classes yet. But if they were going to be married in the church (marriage is considered one of their sacraments), she had to be Catholic too. So off to classes she went. Alice was her sponsor at Baptism.
I'll write about the wedding and such next week.
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