Momma Sandy Says
Stories About Kids
With all the varied things I've done in my life, I've been around a lot of kids. They range from truly evil to really amazing. Here are some stories about some of the ones I've run into recently and a story from the past.
First I want to look at some kids I don't like. These are the ones who "push my buttons." Recently I met a brother and sister combo. The brother was older, maybe 10 years old. A larger kid and clearly a bit of a bully. He kept trying to cause trouble with the other boys his age in the home school group that was touring with. Luckily his mom was keeping a close eye on him. His kid sister was remarkable, but not in a good way. Probably around 8 years old. Cute, smart, but determined to have her own way. Mostly she was curious. Possibly ADHD. She couldn't keep still. She was with the group, but she clearly had her own agenda. She was everywhere. I was surprise to not find her inside of some of the exhibits, which she clearly would have done if mom hadn't been closely watching her. I felt sorry for the mom. Two very different, but problematic children. Often problems are the parents fault. I don't know in this case.
A few weeks ago I had to deal with two young men (around 12) that highly irritated me. Even after seeing the "Staff only" sign. Even after being told they were not allowed to go upstairs, they did. They were prime examples of what I consider self entitled individuals. They saw themselves so special that rules clearly did not apply to them. Of course they wanted to ignore me yelling at them (politely) to come back downstairs. But that's sort of impossible.
To my amazement, as I was beginning to chastise them (What does this sign say?) the father showed up, told me "he would take care of this," and whisked the boys out of the building. He didn't say anything to them on the way out. I'm willing to bet he never did say anything. Those boys are going to be a problem, if they aren't already. They don't respect authority. I bet their teachers are already pulling out their hair. And where did they learn this behavior? Probably from dad (and possibly mom as well). Self entitlement tends to be learned behavior.
My third example comes from this past weekend. While working at a Renaissance Faire I ran into a young man, now about 15. I first met this kid when he was around 8. His parents were going through a divorce and he was spending the weekend at faire with dad. He was letting his disapproval of the divorce known by a lot of really bad behavior. I met him when he decided that he wanted to walk onto an archery range that was in use. Because he had been told he couldn't. The range master was so upset that I escorted this young man back to his camp. Final straw for dad. That kid was not allowed out of camp without dad or dad's rep the rest of the weekend. Good call dad. Hope the kid improves.
Fast forward about 3-4 years. I was doing a late night security sweep and this kid was with the other young teens, trying to avoid curfew. Not on my watch. He was trying to convince some of the younger teen girls to sneak out to hang out. Nope.
And then there was this weekend. I was with friends in the food court when the young teen herd came and sat down with us. The same young man, now around 15 was holding court. Others may have wanted to say stuff, but he wasn't letting anyone else hijack his conversation. Since I was right there, I heard the conversation. Don't think he recognized me. I listened to this kid brag about himself. He was talking about the role he took in the daily battle last year. He didn't. Not old enough to be on the field, except as a banner bearer-and they don't fight. And a bunch of other stuff. What really got me was when someone with knowledge challenged him slightly on one topic. To cover himself, he started talking about how someone named Jack had caused his group so many problems. I had to leave then. Jack was his uncle who had died when he was much younger. Yes, Jack had caused his group problems, but he wasn't some random guy to blame-he was his uncle!
The conversation I had overheard bothered me. Then I realized that the young man was turning out just like his father. Both of them are pompass asses hiding wounded souls.
I also spent time around kids I like. The children in my own group are well behaved, even though they are full of energy. The parents spend energy keeping an eye on them and keeping them in line.
I also want to talk about some of the Viking reenactor's kids. Most of them are great kids. There's always either a parent with the herd, or somewhere close. The kids don't leave camp without a parent (and the gate guard) knowing where they're going.
One particular Viking kids spends time around our camp. He loves to "raid" our food. He's even talked our guild mistress into removing the skin of an orange he's raided from us. You note, I'm not saying steal. We give him the food. It's all part of the game. In return he's polite and helpful and plays well with our kids. For a 6 year old he's smart and charming, and kind. He has informed us that "I'm not cute! I'm fierce!" Only in his own mind.
I know this child's parents. In fact, I remember when he was born. Good people who are doing well with him. That kid may end up owning half the world before he decides to do something else.
And a story from back when. Growing up, my best friend had two younger siblings (boy and girl) who were adopted. It was no secret. Even I knew. The parents had taken in foster kids for years and chose to keep the two siblings to raise with their own daughter. There was no difference between the kids-all were siblings.
The boy was the youngest and when he was 13 he was having typical young teen problems. He wasn't doing well in school and was starting to hang out with the wrong kids. Those "wrong kids" were white. And then, the young man "found out" he was adopted. He really started going downhill. His parents did what they could, but it was a tough battle.
As it sometimes happens, right about then, the birth mother of the two siblings got out of prison. Somehow, even though she had signed away her rights, and should have been able to find them, she showed up at the house. The young man embraced his Hispanic, drug using mother and her culture. His sister followed soon after.
The next thing I knew my friend and I were having to go to safe houses for the local gang in our town's barrio to find the brother to drag him home. He joined the gang and then we couldn't get him home. Rumors were (later confirmed) that he was helping with illegal activities. His adoptive parents, with a broken heart, had to give up the adoption-to give their son back to the county. The daughter changed her friends too. Once her goal had been to become a nurse. Now she wanted to move out and become a welfare mother. She did too.
Their lives were changed by circumstances.
The more I'm around children and teens, the more I look closely at where poor behavior comes from. Did the poor parenting cause it? Were there circumstances that set off a chain of events? I think all we can do as parents is to do the best we know how and to get help when we need it.
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