Family Stories - Grandma Ruth and Dementia

Family Stories

Grandma Ruth and Dementia

  This one is for my kids.

I know I've talked about my mother's mother, Ruth before.  But this time I want to look at the latter part of her life-especially how dementia played a role in it.

   My grandmother Ruth was 40 years old when she gave birth to my mom, Joan,  They were living on the farm in Upstate New York.  Ruth was in charge of the 7 children (Alice, the oldest was 13 years older), as well as the household stuff, and helping with the farm.  I am quite sure she worked very long hours, everyone in the family did.

   When Ruth was 48, the family lost the dairy farm and had to leave.  They chose to move back to Staten Island, NY.  By then, both Alice and Ralph were out of the house, mostly.  Both Everett and Del went away to CCC camps, which brought in some money for the family.  Marion and Joan both worked.  Vincent, Ruth's husband worked as well, but his diabetes had begun weakening him.  Ruth worked, since the children were getting older.  She started off cleaning houses, but soon worked her way into a nursing position.  Eventually she moved from the cleaning/care-taking nursing to working as a real nurse, often in private homes.  As well as taking care of Vincent, the kids, the house, and everything else.

   Everett joined the army in March of 1941.  He was on leave visiting relatives with mom Ruth on December 7th and had to immediately leave to rejoin his unit.  Vincent was operated on Dec. 1st of that year.  Off work for a while.  Del was in an auto accident in March of 1942.  Marion went to the hospital with appendicitis in June of 1944 and was off work for a month.  All this sickness and Ruth kept working, at home and  at her nursing job.  Del injured his eye (at work) and 6 months later moved out to CA to join Ralph and Alice.

   But probably the hardest thing was that in August of 1944 Vincent got sick (probably at least partly due to his worsening diabetes).  After over a month in the hospital, Vincent finally was released.  I don't think he ever was able to return to work.  The doctors warned Vincent that he could not stay in New York due to the winters.  With the War over, what was left of the family planned to move out to CA to join the rest.

   Ruth herself was sick with the flu from the end of December 1945 to almost mid February 1946.  She was still able to get everything organized and the family left for CA in August of 1946.  From what I've heard, the flu, the trip, and everything else took it's tole on Ruth.  She tried to work, but was not healthy enough.  In 1950 she had a heart attack.  She recovered, but had to give up nursing.  So instead she started babysitting for pay.  And taking care of insulin dependent Vincent.  Two years later she had to give that up.  At age 64 she was done working and under the care of a doctor for her heart issues.

   I suspect the heart issues and her late onset diabetes were linked.  Vincent's diabetes was more serious, and he ended up dying of diabetes related issues in 1961.  But Ruth's memory was starting to go.  In 1959 Ruth and Vincent flew back to New York.  There was a sense that the two of them moved there to die.  Instead after a year they returned to CA.  Soon after they moved up to Fresno.  Ralph was in medical school residency up there.  Ralph agreed to be the family member who took care of Ruth and Vincent.

   Vincent's death accelerated Ruth's memory problems. She moved in with Ralph and Bette in San Diego after they moved a month after Vincent's death.  In February of 1963 Ruth's memory and health had deteriorated so that Ruth moved in with Mrs. Reed.  Ruth was told that she was to be Mrs. Reed's live in companion.

   I remember visiting my Grandmother Ruth from my earliest memories.  She was from such a different generation that it was hard to talk to her.  When she moved to San Diego it was clear that she was having real memory issues.  Ruth was strong, and still very mobile, but she had little short term memory and her ability to do things was compromised.  Since she was wheelchair bound, Mrs. Reed would tell Ruth how to do things, and that worked for quite a while.

   Even though her memory was pretty shot, it didn't change her personality.  She had worked so hard for so many years that it was hard for her to stop.  Ruth discovered that she could still sew well, so she started making Barbie clothes.  I think all of her female grandchildren (and who knows how many local children) got clothes for those dolls.  They were well made.  Ruth never could remember what she had made and for whom.  I got used to the fact that every time we visited my grandmother would ask me if I still played with my Barbie dolls.  I wish I still had some of the clothes she had made for my dolls.

   As I look back on it now, I realize that Grandmother Ruth, for about a 2-3 year period had an effective memory of 1/2 to 1 hour.  My mom, dad, and I would make the 3 hour drive down there (5 hours if the Del Mar track was running) and by the time we got home Ruth would have forgotten we had even been there.  One time we had no sooner gotten home when Alice called to talk to my mom.  My aunt asked my mom when we planned to go visit Ruth.  Alice had been talking to Ruth on the phone and my grandmother had been complaining that she hadn't seen us in ages!

   I know we went down to visit Grandmother Ruth at various times until her death in March of 1967.  Each time mom would be unhappy on the way back home at how her mom was "slipping."  I didn't know what that meant.  I'm pretty sure my parents stopped taking me once Ruth stopped knowing who many of us were.  They wanted me to remember her as she was.

   I suspect my grandmother spent part of her final year or so in a convalescent hospital, as her husband Vincent had done.  I certainly don't remember visiting her in any place like that.  But there was a lot of family drama going on during that time period revolving around Ralph.  

   When my mother, Joan, first began showing signs of memory issues, I watched.  Would my mom follow the pattern of Vincent, Del, and Everett?  Would she be like Ruth?  Or would mom have a totally different experience at the end of her life?

   Now we're further down the road and I can say pretty confidently that my mom is mostly following Ruth's pattern.  At age 70 Joan was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes.  With modern medicines it's low level.  I first noticed mom's memory starting to slip around 15 years ago, so about the same time.  I noticed that crisis and stress made the slippage quicker.  By the time she moved in with me, about 1993, she could still function, but the cracks in her memory were clear.  

   The first big drop occurred in 2010 when illness took her to the hospital.  She ended up with a pacemaker and no ability to handle her own finances, medical decisions, etc.  Sadly she never regained all the lost mental ability.  Her short term memory was clearly affected.  Like her mom, at best she could remember things for about an hour.

   But also like her mother, Joan remains physically strong with a clear desire to be useful and working.  Since then, her short term memory continues to go downhill.  On a good day she will remember things for maybe 15 minutes.  Mostly things stay in her brain for about 5 minutes.  She has lost some of her long term memory.  She has lost the ability to read and comprehend.  Reading a book is no longer possible-she can read the pages, but can't remember what she read 5 minutes before.  And so it goes.

   I don't know if medical science was advanced enough in the 60's to diagnose Ruth's dementia to any type.  Joan has a version of vascular dementia.  That means that most likely, microscopic amounts of blood will continue to leak from the blood vessels in her brain, continuing to destroy brain tissue.  Major stressors  tend to aggravate this.  And there are continuing problems with her heart and her blood pressure.  It's a sad story.