Family Stories - Joan and her siblings as adults

Family Stories

Joan and her Siblings as Adults

   Joan had different relationships with each of her siblings.

Alice - Joan's relationship with her oldest sister really didn't start until Joan moved out to CA.  Joan ended up living with Alice for about 4 years and that really cemented their friendship.  For the rest of their lives Alice was someone Joan could talk to about her problems.  And Joan was someone Alice could confide in.

Ralph always was a character.  He moved Bette, his wife from New York to CA so he could go to school.  After he graduated they moved with their daughter, Pam, to San Diego for Ralph's internship.  Then up to Fresno, CA for Ralph's medical residency.  Once that was done, Ralph wanted to move back to San Diego to set up his practice.  I don't know what all was going on, but the marriage blew up at that point.  Ralph moved to San Diego and Bette stayed up north, ending up in Santa Rosa.  Ralph took Grandma Connor with her and settled her with Mrs. Reed for several years.  A few years later Ralph married a woman from Hawaii who was also in the medical profession.  I met her and liked her.  Unfortunately this stabilizing influence died after only a few years of marriage due to cancer.  Ralph sort of lost his mind in grief.  

   While Ralph was caught up in his grief Grandma caught her final illness.  Ralph's second wife was Buddhist and had was cremated and the ashes brought back to Hawaii.  After Grandma died Ralph decided that she needed to be cremated as well.  I have never seen my mother that angry in my life!  If she could have she would have driven down there and punched Ralph in the nose.  She knew that her mom would not have wanted to be cremated.  At one point, Grandma had 4 burial plots!  

   It was decided that none of the grandkids would go to the funeral, even though it was local for most of us.  They didn't want any of us to have, as our final memories of Grandma, looking at an urn.  Louise brought Chris and Janis, but that was it.

   Ralph was clearly shunned by the rest of the family for several years after that.  Soon after Grandma's funeral he married his second wife's best friend.  That was a disaster.  That marriage lasted about a year and wife #3 fled back to Hawaii.  Gradually, after that, Ralph found his way back to sanity and the love of his family.  Eventually he married his head nurse/office manager, Arleen, a lovely woman we all came to love.  She stayed with him until his death.  Ralph and mom were close, except for the Grandma insanity years.  At the end of his life, it was my mom Ralph most wanted to have visit.

Everett - After the end of WWII Everett went back to Staten Island.  When the rest moved to CA, Everett stayed.  He had fallen in love and married Jo Amato, another Staten Island native.  Everett had been best friends with her brothers for years.  Unfortunately, Jo was very controlling.  Once Grandma and Grandpa moved to CA, Jo began cutting Everett off from his family.  Marion stated on Staten Island as well, but there was little or no contact.  Everett's children were encouraged to avoid Marion's kids, even though they attended the same schools.

   It was sad.  My mom tried to visit Everett when she and her second husband Bob were in the area.  Jo refused.  I think Louise was the only one to successfully visit.  Jo said no on the phone, but Louise  showed up with her husband and kids and sleeping bags.

   Josephine's domineering eventually caused her two children to leave New York.  Both ended up in CA and were welcomed.  Karen now lives in New Mexico.  Many years later Jo died.  Everett asked his son Gary to come back there and get the house ready to sell.  During the War Everett had stated that he wanted to move to CA and now he was going to do it!  We were all glad to get to know our long lost uncle!  He lived with Gary until he died.

Del - Del moved out to CA before the end of the War.  He had a rough time of it for a while.  Mentally he was permanently around 17 years of age due to brain injuries.  He became an alcoholic for several years.  Eventually he chose sobriety and moved in with Louise and Paul.  He got a job with the school district in the Bakersfield area as a janitor.  Eventually he met the love of his life, Carla.  They were together until he died a few years later.  Though they chose to live quietly up near Fresno, CA, Del, Carla, and my mom had a warm and loving friendship.  After Del died it was mom that Carla wanted staying with her after surgery.  Carla and Louise have had a love/hate relationship for years.

Marion - Since Marion married her high school sweetheart and chose to stay on Staten Island, it was hard for her and Joan to remain friends, bus somehow they did.  I remember Marion and Frank coming out to CA twice.  Good times both.  Mom went to stay with them twice as well.  A lot of love between these two sisters.

Louise - Joan and Louise have always had a complicated relationship.  They truly love each other, but there's also a lot of baggage. They have remained close.