Momma Sandy Says - Teens and Activities

Momma Sandy Says

Teens and Activities

     American teens are all different.  Despite their herd tendencies, teens have different responses to things.  Activities are a good example.  In my opinion, teens tend to fall into 3 categories regarding activities.  You can have a teen who is involved with seemingly every activity.  They are busy all the time.  The second group I like to call Cave Dwellers.  These are the teens who almost never seem to leave their rooms or their computers.  They're almost the stereotyped nerd.  Lots of gamer geeks, but art and such fall into this too.  The third group consists of a mix of the above.  These are the kids who are almost balanced.

   As a parent you want your kid to be balanced.  You want them to be active, but to take time for themselves as well.  How do you encourage this?

  The kids who are always active with various activities can be just as disconnected from their families as the Cave Dwellers.  A question that occurs to me is to wonder why they feel they have to be doing so much? There might not be a problem.  But there could be.  Keep your eyes and ears open.

   Something to think about is that many parents keep their children busy.  After school sports, classes, etc.  A lot of modern kids do not usually have time to just play.  I tried to avoid that. When kids are always busy, they tend to follow that pattern as teens-only now they can choose more of the activities they are a part of.

   Another thing that happens is that teens can be led to believe that they need to be a part of a lot of different activities to look good on college applications.  I've been hearing that one since the 1970's.  While there may be some truth in this, well rounded does not mean that your teen is so busy they have no time to breathe, let alone spend time with family or friends, apart from activities.

   Check your own example.  Do you spend your life rushing from one thing to another?  Are you so busy that you have to schedule time to talk to your kids?  If you are, then you know why your teens are so busy.  Just being like you.  Teach your children by example that they need to take time to slow down and just be.

   I'm assuming you have kept lines of communication open with your teen.  If you're noticing that they're never around, have them schedule you some time.  Talk to them about how much they are involved in.  How is all that busy affecting their lives?  Do they have time for friends?  For family?  Are they happy?  If there are some negative answers there help them to look at their commitments and to find places where they can cut back.  Tell them it's ok for them to say, "My parents insist I not do as much." Take some time for you and your teen to do simple stuff together.  You won't regret it.

   On the other end of the spectrum is the teen who never seems to leave his or her room.  They may seem to be permanently attached to their computer.  You maybe dealing with a teen who is addicted to computer interaction and/or computer games.  Social interaction online may seem safer than interaction in real life.

   You will need to communicate with your teen to find out what's going on in their head.  Why are they avoiding real life contact?  Listen to what they are saying.  Think before you respond.  How can you come alongside them to help?

   As easy as it might sound, for some kids just getting them involved in other things (outside their comfort zone) may not solve the underlying problems.

   All that said, I am a big believer in teaching your children to get involved in stuff.  I am a firm believer in volunteerism.  I am happy that many American schools require a certain number of volunteer hours as a volunteer in order to graduate.

   Like so many other things, volunteerism should be modeled by you, the parent.  It really doesn't matter where you help out.  It can be church, scouts, work related, civic organizations, etc. Or just a non-profit that appeals to you.  When it's appropriate, take your kids with you when you volunteer.  I have a sister-in-law who used part of her vacation time each year to work with Habitat for Humanity.  Dirty, messy work, but what a great cause! Help others and teach your kid to do the same!

   A free bit of advice.  Before bringing your teen to adult activities there are some things to think about. What sort of things will happen here?  Is there any danger to your child?  Do you really want your child exposed to this?  Would CPS be knocking on your door if you did?  Use your brain.  Prepare your child for what they might be exposed to.