Momma Sandy Says
Alternative Life Styles, Part Two
I want to start off by stating that I do not know everything there is to know about alternative lifestyles. I really don't. And this is not the place to talk about all the details. My concern is how these lifestyles affect any children attached to the adults involved with these lifestyles. Today's blog concerns some of the more problematic lifestyle issues: BDSM and Fetishism.
A bit of explanation. What I call BDSM are the practices that involve Bondage, Dominance, Sadism, and Masochism. They have involved into quite a big thing. The practices may not be sexual in nature. But for many, there is a strong sexual element involved.
I also want to make it clear that there is a broad spectrum of people involved in these practices. They can range from the couple that will role play the prisoner/warden sexual scenario to a couple that lives a lifestyle that includes a basement that resembles a torture chamber.
When it is two consenting adults, there is usually no problem, as long as the rules of the practices are obeyed and no one is hurt (that doesn't want to be). HOWEVER, if there are children in the house, things change.
A practical note, if any couple with children want to have sex, especially if it's "kinkier" sex, they should have a lock on their bedroom door. Children do not need to have full access to you all the time. It is ok for you (and especially both of you) to have "you" time. Your children can be trained to knock on your locked door.
As a parent, if you are involved in the milder BDSM stuff as a fun varient in your sexual life, do so, BUT, only behind your locked doors. Role play cannot happen around the house if kids are home. Anything used in bondage play MUST be put away. Kids will find stuff. And they will tell their friends, or worse, a teacher. You really do not want the phone call asking why you have handcuffs or whips where your child could find them.
There are people who live the Dominant/Submissive roles as a lifestyle. The Sub proudly wearing the master's collar is a big clue. When there are no children involved-no problem. However, if there are children involved, a D/S couple really need to think about how they are going to deal with this.
Here's the thing. It doesn't matter how much the D/S lifestyle is necessary to you. If there are children present, the outside world (and child protective services) is going to view your lifestyle as one of victim and bully/abuser. It will not be seen as appropriate for you to be exposing the child in your home to this training. And it is a reasonable assumption for outsiders to make. Too often, that kind of behavior in the home leads to spousal, and often, child abuse. And maybe even murder.
So, if you are a D/S couple, work it out. Save the heavy behavior for the locked bedroom (and put away the evidence) or the Club. Let me make this simple. If there are children in the home, the BDSM stuff has to go visibly away. No dungeon with chains, handcuffs & whips in the basement. The kids will somehow get in there. And they will want to play in there with their friends. That's not a conversation you want to have with Social Services.
As important as this lifestyle may be to you, put it on hold until the children are nearly adults. Take vacation time where you can indulge in this. But leave the kids out of it. The D/S couples with children that I know that are doing this are raising broadminded children. You can do the same. And if you can't put your lifestyle on hold-if you really, really need your sub to parade in collar and leather all around the house, then don't have children. It's that simple.
I'm including fetishism in this listing because specific fetishes can be part of a lifestyle. The fact is, anything sexual that can be imagined has been done, and there is probably porn of it on the internet. Fetishes can be mild, or they can be complicated. Or even illegal. Many fetishes are sexual in nature. Some aren't. Or, some might not be, depending on the individual.
So what constitutes a fetish? Can be almost anything. A person wearing the underwear of the other gender on a regular basis to feel better about themselves. A person who cannot perform sexually unless they are wearing a clown nose. People involved in Pony Play (yes, it's a real thing). Furries. Bronies. People who have sex with animals.
I will state that as far as I know, Pony Play tends to be sexually charged. Furries (people who dress in full costumes of other creatures) may or may not be sexual. It may just be how they want the world to see them, or how they are most comfortable. Bronies are men who dress up as characters in My Little Ponies. I kid you not. I was at DragonCon and happened to be at a location where a Bronnie Meet up was getting out. They aren't necessarily sexual, but there is a strong homo-erotic element. Sex with animals is usually illegal. And just a bad idea.
All of the above are real and I know people who do that stuff. Except for the clown nose. That's just funny to me.
But let's get back to this stuff and children. My advice here is pretty much the same as with the BDSM stuff. Locked bedroom, not around the kids, don't leave the stuff around for the children to find. Go to BondageCom for the Pony Play. Or get a babysitter and go to someone else's house to do it. Any sort of dressing up with any sexual connection should not be happening around children. And the animal stuff-just no!!!
Are we clear? The kinkier stuff should not be around children. They don't have the capacity to understand the differences. And the practices are often just not understood or allowed. If you have children, don't be stupid!
Getting off my soap box now.
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