Dementia - Part 4

Dementia - Part 4

   It's been a long time since I've updated about my mom's condition.  She's still alive and there have been changes.  Time to talk about all that.

   I kept my mom living with me for as long as I could.  I had always said that I would never put her in "one of those hospital/convalescent places."  I had to break my promise to myself about that when mom's memory deteriorated so bad that she was a danger to herself.

   It was a nightmare.  She kept loosing memory.   One day she could use the microwave to heat up a frozen tv entree.  A few days later she would not be able to remember how to use the microwave, but didn't want to tell me.  So, I started making sandwiches for the meals I had to be at work for.  I was making her a lot of meals.

   Mom could still use her cell phone (to call and answer phones, nothing else).  She started calling me while I was at work, Sundowner delusional.  She wouldn't know where she was and wanted me to pick her up to take her home.  When questioned, "home" was a variety of places.  Sometimes in Arizona, sometimes in our old home town, sometimes she didn't know where.  I would talk her down.  I wrote down my schedule every day.  Mom was supposed to not freak out and call me until after I was done with work.  Sometimes it worked.

   About this time mom started obsessively walking.  As soon as I was gone, she would start walking around our apartment complex.  Eventually she would get tired and find her way back home.  But sometimes she would go outside the gates.  One time I found mom outside the gate, just standing there.  She stated that she was looking for me, but didn't know which way to go.  She didn't have her key on her, though she was supposed to.  That scared me.  How many other times had she exited the complex and kind people had let her back in?  One out there,  would she some day start walking and not know where she was going?

   It was experiences like those that led me to take the step of trying to get  her placed in some sort of safe location.  That became a nightmare as well.  I bless our primary care physician.  His hands are tied in many ways, but he helped in getting mom placed in a local convalescent hospital.

   That didn't happen right away.  First I had to get her Medical involved.  Mom's initial medical  case worker dumped her off on someone else days before we were to meet with her.  That postponed things several months.  Mom kept going downhill.  She no longer remembered how to shower properly.  No idea what shampoo should be used for.

   Mom's short term memory had shortened by then to maybe half an hour.  That meant she could remember something for about a half hour.  She was pretending to read-what once had been one of her favorite past times.  She couldn't keep the plots in her head.  Television was the same.

   For a long time I had been arranging mom's daily medications in their weekly containers.  But now she was not able to remember what day it was-let alone whether or not she had taken her morning or evening medications.  When she skipped days, then took double meds, I changed to a container that only had that day's medications.  The writing was on the wall.  Something had to change.

   I tried to get someone to be there while I was at work.  MediCal actually had a program about that.  I applied for that.  We were interviewed.  Turns out the program would only provide someone to help mom for 15 hours a week.  Could I be the caretaker?  For mom I was willing to leave my job, if I was paid enough.  There wasn't a program out there that would pay me enough.  Apparently, not going to happen.

   Mom's doctor helped a lot here.  He sent in the paperwork and miracle of miracles, the local convalescent hospital contacted me to say they had a room for mom.  So, on mom's 86th birthday I moved her into the Center.  She saw it as an adventure for her, and more importantly, a way to help me.  I think she knew how rough the situation was becoming for me.

   I don't know if I can explain what a relief it was for me to have mom living in a safe place.  I don't think I realized how stressed I was.  There were now nice people making sure mom ate and took her meds on time.  They would take care of her.  They would help her shower and stay clean.  They'd even launder her clothes for her.  And there were activities mom could take part in.

   The honeymoon did not last any where near long enough.