Momma Sandy Says - Ethics, Morality, and Spirituality, Part 3

Momma Sandy Says

Ethics, Morality and Spirituality

Part 3

  The topic today is spirituality.  Like the other things I have talked about in the prior 2 blogs, spirituality (or the lack thereof) is best taught in the family.  I know that many churches are big on training children from an early age, but if parental support is not there, it usually doesn't last.

   I am going to do my best to be non-offensive here.  I believe that there are  3 ways of looking at spirituality.  The first group, what I call non-believers, do not believe in things that are not measurable or verifiable.  This is a very secular, scientific viewpoint.  The things that the other two groups believe seem like belief in fairy tales to them.  Some are called atheists.  I respect this viewpoint, as well as the other 2.

   The second group could be called agnostics.  They believe in things that seem unreal - from ghosts to mental telepathy, but they often do not follow any specific religious path.  There is no consensus about the existence of God or gods.

   The third group is logically, believers.  These are people who have chosen a specific spiritual path.  These people range from traditional Christians (and every variation thereof), Jews (also all the variations), Muslim (etc.), Buddhist, pagan, etc.  The common denominator is that all believe in the existence of a higher power of some sort.  For those that are unaware, there are modern believers in older gods.  I have met contemporary Druids and Odinists (believers in the Norse god, Odin).  There are some strange things out there.

For anyone in any of these groups I say, what ever you believe regarding spirituality, believe it sincerely.   Think about it.  Is this the spiritual path you want your children to follow?  If so, then you should think about how you want to model that path.

  I do want to put in a plea here for parents to teach their children compassion and understanding towards those that believe differently than them.  The area of spiritual beliefs (or the lack of them) is still one of the biggest areas of prejudice left in our country.  In the world.

Your children need to understand that beliefs about spirituality must be chosen by them.  I used to tell my Sunday School students that "God doesn't have any grandchildren."  It doesn't matter what your parents believed, they have to choose for themselves.  As a parent, you probably hope they choose the spiritual path you have.  But our children don't always.  It is sometimes really hard to deal with the fact that your child has chosen a different path.  But that choice should not be a deal breaker for our love for our children.

   I still think how my parents handled spiritual training was wise.  Both my parents were Roman Catholic converts.  Unfortunately, due to the rigid, unsympathetic actions of one priest, they were wounded in their faith.  It didn't change their spiritual path, but it did cause them to be less active.  When I was born they had to rethink how they wanted to handle my spiritual training.  What they decided to do was to make sure that I was raised Roman Catholic.  Due to their wounding it was not the intense training that a Catholic child can receive.  I didn't go to a Catholic school or preschool.  But they did take me to mass on a regular basis.  We'd miss sometimes, but usually for good reasons.  Going to church on Sunday was what a family did.  I didn't realize until later that my parents did not go to Confession or receive Communion, but it was solid modeling.  When I was old enough I joined my public school classmates who were Catholic in attending Tuesday after school catechism classes at our local Catholic church.

   At my parents insistence I received the sacraments of Confession, First Communion, and Conformation.   When I was studying for my First Communion (and first confession) it forced my parents to deal with their own woundings. They both did eventually become active Catholics.  The last one is generally at around 13 years of age.  In many ways it is similar to a Jewish Bar or Bat Mitzvah.  In both faiths, going through those ceremonies shows that you are now considered an adult in the faith. 

  My parents wisdom was that after I had gone through the Conformation ceremony, they informed me that I was now free to continue on as a Catholic, or to choose my own path.  Like them, I stopped attending mass on a regular basis.  I still believed in the Catholic doctrines, but I was now free to consider other options.  I am proud to say that neither of my parents ever said anything against my decision to leave the Catholic church to become a Protestant Christian.  In later years, when my dad had returned to the faith, we were able to have several good conversations about the similarities and differences.  It was a very good thing.

   And that's what I want for you and all of your children.  That you would consider your own spiritual path and decide what would be the best way to teach it to your children.  My own parents explained to me that they wanted me to have a solid spiritual background as a place to begin my own spiritual journey.  And like my parents, I want you to be willing to let your children choose a path that is not your own.  You can cry about it in the privacy of your home.  There are ways to show love and support of them, without supporting a spiritual choice you don't like.  For example, if you were a believer and your child chose a spiritual path that was in direct opposition of yours (Christian vs. Satan worshiper for one).  It might just be rebellion.  They still have free choice.

   

I think this 3 part series comes down to some basic things.  Parents should be responsible for how their children are taught character and spirituality. Model what you believe in and teach it.  If your children choose other paths, continue your love.  Note:  if your child turns out to be a sociopath, then you've got a whole different set of problems.  But a normal child needs boundaries, guidance and love.  Give it.