Raising Future Citizens
Toddlers
There are a lot of books and other media out there about how to raise babies and toddlers. I'm not going to re-invent the wheel. What I'm writing about is my thoughts, what I've learned over the years.
I'm going to start out with a definition. I consider a toddler a child that is mobile. It's a continuum. One one end is an almost baby who can walk with varying degrees of success and is starting to form understandable words. At the other end is a child who is fully mobile and has learned other walking related skills as well as communicates in phrases and even sentences. Traditionally this would be about ages 1-3 years. After that is the pre-school years.
Even most experts agree that there is no specific time for a child to reach specific milestones of development. One child of mine walked at 7 months. I think he went from rolling to walking with only a brief pause for crawling. Being mobile that early is not always a good thing. Certainly made us further child proof more of the house faster than we had planned. Communication came a little later than the "experts" said. There is no predicting!
Two other developmental stories: I know a child that saw no use for walking. Crawling worked just fine. Then one day he zipped into the kitchen just after his mom had broken a glass. He of course, crawled right into the glass and cut up his knees. The mom took care of the cuts and then set him down, wondering what her son would do. He tried to crawl, but it hurt. He saw and thought a few minutes. Then that child pulled himself up and started walking. He was old enough and had the muscle coordination, and so when he had the need, he walked. Within a half hour he was fully mobile walking.
The other story is about a younger baby brother. He was going on 2 years old and still hadn't spoken. But he had an older brother (2 years older) who would tell others what the baby wanted. Finally in exasperation the mother ordered the older brother to be silent. The toddler needed to tell her what he wanted himself. So the first words out of his mouth were, "Me want water!" Can't predict.
Toddlers require a lot of care. They are only still when they are sleeping. Or deeply thinking. Both were scary to me. There is a story about an NBA player who decided, as an exercise routine, to do everything his toddler did. The NBA player quit after 3 hours. He couldn't keep up.
Be patient with toddlers. They're only just learning skills that you've spent a lifetime perfecting. And they don't understand about the world either. They tend to ask a lot of questions. In some cases really a lot. My son was one of those. He honestly wanted to know. Still does. Now he can ask the internet.
Take time to play with the toddlers you know. Especially if they're your own. It's an amazing time of bonding. And you learn that they are already individuals with skills and weaknesses. And make it real play, based on their age and skill level. Don't turn fun play time into milestone learning time.
Read to them! This one is important. The statement is true. Kids who are read to, read. Understand that they probably will want you to read the same book every night, possibly for months. Deal with it. It's important to them. Even if you do find yourself memorizing, like I did with Dr. Seuss's "Did I ever tell you how lucky you are?" And make your reading material age and mental ability appropriate.
Be gentle with your toddler if they go into shy mode or start to be afraid of strangers. Both of those are normal for toddlers to work through. Though there are kids who never go through that. Also, in our paranoid society we tend to encourage fear of strangers. Use common sense.
Along with that is my advice to not be over protective. Again, real easy to do. Think of all the over protective parents you've known and choose not to be them. Skinned knees are normal. Some kids are natural climbers with a good sense of balance. I remember going into the house one day because I couldn't stand to see my young son climb his first tree (with dad's help). I was expecting disaster, but didn't want to pass my fears along to my son. Of course, my son has no fear of heights and has truly earned his nickname of Spyder.
You can't protect your child from everything bad in the world. Instead, teach them how to deal with it.
It's always a question - how many classes should a toddler be in? I think a better question would be - how many classes would he or she like, and how often? It really depends on the kid. In my opinion, less is more. If you're concerned about developmental milestones, then a class with one or both parents is probably fine. As I noted before, I'm all in favor of pool safety and teaching kids of all ages to swim. But generally, give them time to learn on their own. It takes time to learn social skills enough to be in a class and to interact. Play groups with young toddlers can really just be time spent with other kids, but not interacting with them. I'm not saying play groups are bad. On the contrary, I generally like them. But don't expect more of your child then they can do just yet.
I'm a big fan of library visits. Especially if you get books for yourself too. Libraries are amazing places. There are people there who will tell stories to your kids. You can help them choose appropriate books to take home and read. Btw, also teaching your children proper care and respect for books! And they are a source of appropriate level informational books. When my son who wanted to know how the universe was put together asked about earthquakes or electricity or, or, or, I had a ready place to get answers that would explain on his level. That is one of the problems of looking stuff up on the computer for kids. Wikipedia will not explain electricity at the right level for a 3 year old.
Should toddlers learn foreign languages? I am a big believer in children being multilingual. Most of the world has us so beat on that. It has been proven that children, especially at a young age pick up languages easily. It another language is spoken in your family, encourage your child to speak both. They will speak a mix at first, but they'll sort it out. The family next door to mine was an immigrant family from China and spoke Cantonese. I never had a formal lesson from them, but I spoke Cantonese with them until they started speaking English at school. I'm not so much a fan of formal language lessons for kids. Expose your toddlers to other languages. Use some of the words in your own speech in a regular basis. If it's seem as normal, for some kids it's easier to learn.
I should talk about special needs kids here. Quite often the toddler age is when special needs are first noticed and diagnosed. If your child seems to be slow to read a specific developmental milestone if can be something to ask the doctor about. As a parent you will probably be the first to notice your child having difficulties, though sometimes it can be other caregivers.
Don't be afraid to do your own research and even ask for a second opinion. Not all doctors are amazing. And be willing to admit that it might just be you. I know of a situation where a mother and grandmother brought a 9 month old boy to the pediatrician. They had read or heard something that made them think that their little boy might be lacking in his genitals. Bless the doctor, he didn't laugh. Instead he examined the boy and proclaimed the boy to be fine. The doctor even added that the boy might even be a bit larger there. The mother and grandmother went home, all proud that their boy was going to be well endowed. The rest of us shook our heads at their foolishness. But in their defense, they might have thought they didn't see what they should have. So be practical. But don't be afraid to ask. Your child's future could be changed.
Lastly, enjoy your toddler. These are amazing years! As a parent you will experience large amounts of joy, frustration, pride, aggravation, and sleep deprivation. But you'll never have those years back. There is something amazing about seeing the world through the eyes of a toddler. Enjoy!
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