Momma Sandy Says - Kids and Fame

Momma Sandy Says

Kids and Fame

  When I talk about fame I'm really talking about two different things.  One is the desire to be around or attached to famous people.  The other is the desire to be famous yourself.  Both are normal desires.

   I think we all desire, at one time or another to meet certain famous people.  I remember a fellow employee at Disneyland who smoked her first (and last) cigarette because Johnny Depp was backstage smoking and it was something she could do to interact with him, how ever fleeting.  Fan fiction, in a way, is people wanting to interact with characters from movies or tv.

   As much as we'd like to meet and maybe be a part of the lives of, famous people, there are codes of behavior that limit what we do.  Crazy stalkers usually end up with restraining orders, and, or jail time.  So, as adults, we learn to use our imaginations.  We can daydream about being with someone famous, but we understand that those are only daydreams.

   What happens when children desire to be with famous individuals-real or imaginary?  As parents we get to guide our children in proper behavior-and this topic is part of that.  A lot of how we handle this depends on the age and mental maturity of the child.  A very young child may not have figured out the difference between fantasy and reality.  That's a topic for another time-how to help your child keep the Wonder, but understand the reality.  Also, mentally limited individuals may have issues with real vs. imagination.

 But if your child is older, you can work through with them what is possible and what is not.  It may be possible to see their idol perform.  It may take a miracle for them to actually talk with that person.  And even if your child gets to talk with their idol, that person is probably not going to want to become their new, best friend.

   Note:  If your child has a celebrity they are enamored with, do your research.  Is that individual or group a good role model?  Are they people you want your child to meet?  Your child's idol may portray a wonderful person on screen, but be a drug using sleaze bag in real life.  They will need to understand the difference between acting and a person's real personality.

   I guess the bottom line is that as parents we get to teach our children how to respond to people who are famous.  Teaching them to respect their idols and to let them be people is important.  

   I live in Southern California, so I have a somewhat different perspective on all this.  Because there traditionally been so much film, tv, theater, music, etc. going on, residents here grow up around it.  We learn proper behavior early.  If a film star is shopping in my market, I was taught to treat them like any other person.  Give the star a chance to feel normal.

   And we also learn, early on, that people that others would consider "stars" are just people with jobs that are more glamorous.  For example, growing up, a kid from my town was in a major tv show.  None of us cared.  We didn't see him due to his filming schedule, but even if we did, he'd just be a red headed kid.  In my apartment complex as a kid there was a family whose older brother was working in a tv show.  I even met the actor.  Didn't care.  The younger brother taught me to swim.  He was the one I cared about.  Recently I found out that a guy I graduated from high school with is directing stuff for Disney.  He didn't seem any different.  Better stories.

  Personally I wouldn't want to be an actor or professional musician-too hard and too much rejection.  I know folks who work behind the scenes.  I respect what they do.  All of it takes artistry that I don't have.

   I will close this section of wanting to be around people who are famous with my Grandmother's story.  My father's mother was born in Minnesota and lived mostly in Arizona and New Mexico before the family finally settled down in Los Angeles.  She was star struck, to use the old term.  She took a job in Hollywood, just for a chance to be around the film people she so admired.

   My grandmother met and married a Hollywood projectionist-a man that worked on many of the early special effects.  He would be invited to these big Hollywood parties and would turn them down, to my grandmother's dismay.  To make her happy, he finally took her to one of the parties.  Yes, the actors were there, in all their glamor.  But they were ignored.  Her husband was only invited so that he could run the film projector as part of the entertainment.  What a let down!  And seeing these stars in this setting, she began to realize that they were just people.  And some of them were not nice people, despite the publicity!

   The other kind of fame I want to talk about is the desire to be famous.  This can get broken down into two topics.  Does your child have talent and desire to do something that may result in them becoming famous?  Or do they just have a desire for the fame itself?  You and they many not know at first.  Wanting to be known and admired by others is a pretty normal desire.

   If your child is talking about wanting to be a performer of some sort, let them try.  One season of lessons in their desired art form probably won't hurt them and it will help them find our more about themselves and what they want to do and be.  Once they realize how much work is involved in becoming proficient they may choose to try something else.  But it it's something that really calls to the core of them, your child will be willing to put in the time-even if you do have to remind them to practice sometimes.  They are only children.

  If your child has finished their first season of lessons and tells you they want to continue, be flexible.  If the talent just isn't there you will have to let them quit when they're ready.  At the same time, you need to be there to encourage.  The consistency of practice will help them as adults.  Show up for performances too.

   Every child is different.  My kids for example.  There are musicians on both sides of the family, so we encouraged our children to take music lessons when they asked.  In grammar school my son played percussion, but wasn't serious about it.  It wasn't until middle school that he found his love for music and drums.  Once he found his love, we didn't have to remind him to practice.  His younger sister was another story.  Her first instrument was the clarinet.  That instrument was not the one for her.  Mercifully, after 2 years she dropped it.  We figured she was done with music,

   Once both my kids were in high school, my son convinced my daughter to give drum line a chance.  Interestingly enough, she had the skills.  But not the heart.  After my son graduated she dropped band and she arranged to be involved in what she had learned to love-technical theater.  She has her bachelor's degree in technical theater design.

   If your child really wants to be an actor, musician, dancer, artist, etc., don't stand in their way.  As you can, help them with their dreams.  Encourage them to be active in the arts locally.  They don't have to be a Broadway star.  One of my classmates discovered in high school that he had a natural singing voice.  But he loved science.  He did both.  He's a respected engineer of some sort, and a member of his local opera company.  The wise high school theater teacher who sent him on this path realized early that he would much rather teach than be on stage himself.  There are lots of options.

  So encourage your talented children, but be ready to catch them when they fall.